Dear Prudence,
Over Christmas, my parents visited me, my husband, and our two children from out of state for what we thought would be a multi-day visit. We even had some activities planned. They ended up arriving late Christmas Eve and leaving early morning on the 26th with little explanation.
Two days later, my father informed me that they left because he doesn’t like my husband of nine-and-a-half years, and never has. He’s seemingly been upset by random one-off comments my husband has made but has never expressed his concerns before. During the conversation, I was too hurt to ask for a list of grievances but from what I know, these were benign things said in conversations over the years about money that rubbed my dad the wrong way. I left the conversation with my father deeply hurt and haven’t talked to him since (we used to talk multiple times per week and text). While no one is perfect, my husband is pretty close—he is a hardworking, wonderful, fun, engaged husband, father, and friend.
My mom still wants to have a relationship with me and my children. She doesn’t think what my dad did was right but said she can’t change his mind. She’s been less open about whether she likes my husband or not. I used to call her regularly too and since the incident, I’ve texted her and let her FaceTime with my kids but am having a hard time wanting to talk to her. I’m at a loss because I love and miss my parents but my husband has done nothing truly wrong and I feel strongly about supporting him. He feels terrible about the situation too and said that he won’t keep me or the kids from my family but will support my decision either way. He is also willing to reach out to my dad to try and understand what happened, and apologize if it’s needed. He wished my dad would have come to him/us a decade ago so he could’ve understood the apparent concerns then and adjusted. Any advice about what to do and how to move forward?
—Christmas Blues in February