If no one plans it, forego the parties

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My partner and I got engaged this year. We’ve been together for over 10 years and live together so a lot of the traditional wedding trappings, like a shower, are not things that we need or are interested in. We’re also trying to be sensible with the budget for ourselves and our friends, which is part of the reasons we aren’t having wedding parties. However, the lack of a formal wedding party means it’s no one’s job to do things like the bachelorette party. I’m blessed to have a big community of wonderful adult friends (also part of why I didn’t want to choose a select group). I’d love to take advantage of a chance to spend quality time with them and indulge in some fun. But it’s no one’s job to throw me a party, and I can’t afford to pay to whisk folks away for a long weekend. Asking people to plan one for me feels sort of sad and needy AND I’d be worried folks would feel obligated. What’s an older bride to do?

—(Not So) Blushing Bride

banana468

"Hey - I'd love to try to get away before we get married.  Are you gals interested in a girls away weekend?" 

Don't frame it as a pre-wedding party then.  

VarunaTT

I'm over the "not planning your own parties" thing.  I plan my own all the time.  I probably would have friends that would offer it up but we're all adults and we're all busy and don't need extra stuffs on our plate.  I shudder thinking of being involved in a wedding party, and all that things that go with it, now.

Plan a bachelorette party.  It doesn't have to be some long drawn out weekend either.  Do exactly what OP said, quality time with friends.  That could be renting a room and playing board games, watching movies, a dinner organized around at theme...do what YOU want.

ei34

If most of the friends are local, I'd encourage LW to invite the group to a dinner/drinks type of thing, making it clear it wasn't a hosted event but that it'd be fun to celebrate together.  I'll admit that I wouldn't do a whole weekend away (and it's not just bc of my age or that there'd be a childcare need...I declined destination bachelorette parties in my 20s all the time too), but I'd be happy to celebrate a friend locally.