A lot of us are dealing with similar dynamics

Casadena

DearDear Prudence,

I grew up in a small, tight-knit family—my parents immigrated to the U.S. as teens, but mostly maintained the values of their culture rather than assimilating to American culture. They never really discussed politics when I was growing up, however, they’ve increasingly become consumed by conservative politics, probably partially a side effect of the extremely white Republican community they’ve lived in for 20-plus years. I’m often left speechless by their points-of-view, which can feel like grab-quotes from Fox News and are downright bigoted and insensitive. There’s a lot I can’t talk about without them turning it into some conservative agenda, even though I avoid talking politics at all costs. It makes it difficult for me to share my life in any deep or meaningful way. I don’t feel like I know them anymore, not as I did in my youth.

My parents are now in their 70s. I feel sad that we’ve drifted in this way, though I don’t think they even notice, and I have no idea how to cope. I text them every day, and I call them every so often. Usually the conversations are fine, but lack any substance or depth. I feel like I’m mourning them before I’ve even lost them, and I want to find some way to connect with them in their later years, knowing that I won’t have all the time in the world with them. But I have no idea how to.

—Prematurely Missing My Parentsou do?

banana468

I feel this is how DH is with his parents.  It was this way with his mom for years but I think the answer is that in some ways we mourn the aging process of parents so I'll try to compartmentalize this much the same way that I watched my parents and ILs talk about the issues they had with THEIR parents who refused to deal in a true reality.  

I guess it's my attempt to put it in the same bucket as the topics of maybe they shouldn't drive or need extra help to do things or need an adult child to step in and say that they need to modify their diet.  They've slipped away that they are in their own reality.  

levioosa

Same @banana468. I think H feels this way about his parents too. While I'm pretty sure there were some deep fucking bigoted thoughts that always lurked, allegedly they weren't like this (or maybe H just grew up, I "radicalized" him and the rose colored glasses came off). But according to H his parents used to be much more in the middle, would welcome certain groups and support certain policies. Now it's all just Newsmax and Fox propaganda. It's been upsetting to H to see his father in particular, someone who is smart and has critical thinking skills, just swallow and regurgitate view points from the right. 

charlotte989875

I think, with some of my aunts/uncles and H’s parents some of it is they’ve always been republicans so they stick with the party, some of it is they’ve always been a bit bigoted and the current state is giving them excuses to lean into it, and some of it is watching way too much Fox News. I hide them on social media and we all have an unspoken rule not to talk about politics. 

short+sassy

levioosa said:

Same @banana468. I think H feels this way about his parents too. While I'm pretty sure there were some deep fucking bigoted thoughts that always lurked, allegedly they weren't like this (or maybe H just grew up, I "radicalized" him and the rose colored glasses came off). But according to H his parents used to be much more in the middle, would welcome certain groups and support certain policies. Now it's all just Newsmax and Fox propaganda. It's been upsetting to H to see his father in particular, someone who is smart and has critical thinking skills, just swallow and regurgitate view points from the right. 

Growing up, our household was middle left leaning.  Including my mom.  But my father passed away on the younger side (49) and my mom has been married to her second husband for over 20 years.  He has always been a die-hard Republican, though at least not a fanatic.  More middle red leaning, but on the further end of "middle".  Over the years, my mom has become progressively more Republican on her political views.

But this is where my mom is SO delusional!  She explains her shift from left to right is because "the Democratic Party has changed!".  They aren't like they used to be, so she can't support them anymore.  

I was stunned the first time she said it.  SHE changed! It's not even a question.  I don't understand how she can't see that.  The only thing I can think of is she focuses a lot on specific politicians...always Democrats. of course...she doesn't like.  What's longer lasting and matters more is her view on POLICIES have changed.  But she doesn't seem to recognize that.