Dear Prudence,
I never wanted to be a father. After one too many scares in college, I got the snip. I didn’t tell my mother or sisters because frankly, for being a bunch of dyed-in-the-wool liberals they have a real conservative streak (our family name dying out doesn’t affect me—we aren’t the royals). Over the holidays, I messed around with an old family friend a couple of times. I had to work Christmas through New Year’s Eve so I was visiting early. I got woken up by a furious phone call from my mother. The family friend claimed to be pregnant and I was named as the father.
My brain didn’t catch up to my mouth. I told my mom that was impossible since I’d had a vasectomy. My mother and sisters have been freaking out ever since. I am apparently too stupid and young to choose not to be a father and my future wife owns my body. I finally sent a text in the family chat: no dick, no opinion, and I was blocking everyone until after January to give them time to cool off. I enjoyed the quiet but I don’t want to cut my family out of my life forever. So what now?