Wedding Woes

none of your business, so be supportive

Dear Prudence, 

A really close friend of mine recently got out of a five-year relationship. The breakup was her choice, not his, but things seem as civil as they can be. In a conversation post-breakup, she mentioned that she didn’t know who she was outside of being someone’s girlfriend. I am proud of her for seeing that line of behavior in herself. There is a slight age gap between us so sometimes I catch myself wishing she wouldn’t make the mistakes I have. Well, about three weeks after her breakup, she committed herself to a new boyfriend. I just can’t shake my disappointment. I’m finding it difficult to talk to her about him or even to her in general. I admittedly think this new flame isn’t good for her. But she is happy at the moment. I want to support her but I also want to hold her accountable for what she said about wanting to find who she is without being partnered. What do I do?

Re: none of your business, so be supportive

  • I think you can be her friend and the friend she needs.  But you can also recognize that this is a person who may also always find herself in a relationship and do with that what you will when it comes to how she may find mates. 
  • "I'm curious. You mentioned last time that you wanted to spend some time outside of a relationship. What made you change your mind?"

    But also, she's lonely and probably scared of being alone, and she's allowed to be. You're not her life coach; she gets to figure her shit out in her own way.
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