Dear Prudence,
When they raised me in the 1970s, my parents firmly believed in the old adage “spare the rod, spoil the child.” My father had a strap hanging off the bathroom door, which he used at least once a week. My mother joined. When I grew up and left home, I moved on and had a fairly normally relationship with them both. Now, however, as they are getting older and far more dependent on my support, I feel this incredible anger and resentment. I’ve heard the excuses—it was a different time—but I remember being angry and unsafe, scared, and hurt, and the rage inside me boils up. At times, I feel incapable of being around them and often have to walk away because I feel this overwhelming instinct to lash out. It’s becoming increasingly hard to brush over these incidents. Do I cut ties? They depend on my help but I feel so resentful.