Dear Prudence,
Why do people feel like the “surprise” part of a gift is the best part? I mean I get it for birthday presents, but my mom is constantly trying to help out by buying me things she “thinks will be helpful.” But she never actually asks what I need! For example, right now my partner, our 3-year-old, and I are all extremely sick with the seasonal flu. My mom lives five hours away so she ordered a bunch of groceries to be delivered to us without telling me. It’s sweet but we don’t need generic groceries, as we already had a local friend bring us some, and we don’t have space in the fridge. Now we have to spend time trying to clean out the fridge to make space for all her food when we’d rather be lying on the couch feeling like we are dying. But do you know what we do need? Tylenol! She could have just asked us how she could be helpful.
The problem is this happens all the time. No matter how many times I politely say, “Hey that’s really nice Mom, but next time can you please ask us what would be helpful first? We already have this,” she never changes. Dealing with it when I’m this sick is just too far. I get that sometimes surprises are fun. But what’s more fun is doing something that’s actually appreciated!