My MOH Just Dropped Out of My Wedding

rlavach

My MOH got engaged 3 weeks ago. I texted my MOH (lives in NC) to see if she was ok and if she bought any jewelry yet so my BM (in  NJ) can coordinate). I noticed this morning that she disappeared from Facebook, along with her fiance & her Bridal Party Group. She just returned home yesterday from visiting her FI in Miami.

Her response: 'I'm not doing well and I cannot be in your wedding. I'm sorry. I really wanted to be there for you but can't.' 

WTF

Her, her FI and parents were invited to the wedding. So my response was 'What? I'm not going to pry into it, but will you, your FI or your parents be coming at all?' She answered: 'my parents probably, my FI - it's over.'

I don't know what to do or say. We're been friends since childhood, over 20 years. 

ETA: She is a very private person about negative matters. Whenever I don't hear from her in a while, something bad has happened. I want to console her & be there for her, but I know she won't let me. I'm just shocked. 

chickenbut143

Wow, sounds like she needs a hug..or someone to talk to.  Have you tried to call her?  If she doesn't pickup i'd leave her a vm about how much you care about her and are there for her to talk to whenever shes ready. 

As for your wedding - while this definitly sucks, it's not the end of the world.  First, was she your only wedding party (with Best Man, of course)?  If not,  Just rearrage your plan.  Were you going to have FI stand at the alter while your maids and men walked down together?  Maybe have FI and BM stand while the rest walk down the aisle...


ETA: I just saw your ETA - I'd still call her regardless.  She prob really needs someone right now.

[Deleted User]

Ditto PP- I would call her and not talk wedding at all, just try to listen and be there for her.  I wouldn't count her out just yet...she is probably just overemotional right now and it was a knee-jerk reaction.  Give it some time, she might come around.

kmac821

I'd definitely reach out, maybe even send flowers or something? Can you talk to her parents and find out what is going on? If she and her FI did break up it may be hard anyways for her to be joyful for you when she's going through her own issues. I agree, it sucks, but it also sucks to be alone and not have someone to talk to.

Wasn't your dad the one who gave the amazing advice? Maybe he should reach out?

rlavach

I don't feel comfortable contacting her parents regarding this. I feel that I'd be overstepping my boundaries. If she wanted to tell me, she would. I will most definitely call her & leave a message. I had already purchased her bridal party gift, so perhaps I'll just send that to her as a 'feel better soon' gift. I won't mention the fact that it originally had another purpose.

Her defense mechanism in trying times is cutting people off. She will push you further away if you try to get too close. It's kind of a delicate balance with her. I'll do what I can to reach out to her & make it known that I'm there for her. It's up to her to take it.

I'm not taking her out of my plans for the wedding just yet. I also believe that this is just a really overwhelming time for her & she just can't bare to think of being in someone else's wedding. I totally understand that. I hope that perhaps her view might change by my wedding date. For all I know, she may even get back with her FI by then??

P.S. I'm most definitely more sad for her situation than upset about mine. I'm just sad that I can't share this experience with my childhood friend. It hurts, but nothing I can do but hope she feels better.

em01092

Ditto PPs on how she may in fact just be super emotional at this point and may come around. You can't bank on it, but maybe. 

I know you said you don't know what's going on yet, but I'm very anxious to hear what happened if they were only engaged 3 weeks? I'm of course assuming that he proposed and then he broke it off, gauging by her reaction, but both of these could be misplaced. And it's none of my business, but I'm just curious! 

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_my-moh-just-dropped-out-of-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:a2936a11-2901-44fe-b3a6-ede693c3811dPost:2bbcebb8-47ec-4a17-ad85-275b89994056">Re: My MOH Just Dropped Out of My Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto PP- I would call her and not talk wedding at all, just try to listen and be there for her.  I wouldn't count her out just yet...she is probably just overemotional right now and it was a knee-jerk reaction.  Give it some time, she might come around.
Posted by norman74[/QUOTE]

That totally sucks.  I would do exactly this, or maybe even send her an email or something even less invasive than a phone call if she's not talking on the phone, and just let her know that you're there for her, whatever she needs etc.

My sister (who's a BM but not MOH in our wedding) was laid off from her job last week and she's super pissed off and emotional and she hasn't dropped out of the wedding yet, but I wouldn't be shocked if she did.  She's not talking to anyone right now--not our parents, me, friends, nobody.  Hopefully your MOH will come around, but I wouldn't talk anything wedding related to her.

GL.

meganb1977

I like the idea of sending flowers or something to let her know you are thinking of her without being intrusive.  I know you wish she would reach out to you but you're wise to realize that you can't force it.  Hugs to you and I hope she feels better before your wedding so maybe she doesn't have to drop out after all.

rlavach

Yeah, this is a sucky situation. Right after I asked her if she'd be coming at all and a few hours later she responded that she couldn't deal with the bombardment of questions and needed time. I know the bombardment wasn't from me, so I'm guessing that she notified the other NINE bridesmaids and probably got her phone blown up. 

I didn't respond and will wait at least 2 weeks. I did leave her a voicemail explaining how I feel for her situation and that I'm there for her even if she doesn't want to talk about it. Let's see what happens.