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Wedding Woes

Is it just banter or is he really being judgemental?

Dear Prudence,

I like to watch shows with a good amount of representation of different ethnicities, sexualities, and religions. Because of my profession, I feel it’s important to constantly be learning about and recognizing other people’s experiences, especially if they’re different from my own. My husband and I grew up in a Christian faith in which we are still both active. When I’m watching my show, if my husband happens to walk in on someone speaking out on police brutality or two women sharing a kiss, he makes a jab about “is this the kind of stuff you watch when I’m gone?” It has really been bothering me lately because I feel he thinks he’s better than me for being bothered by the content of my shows, even though it’s nothing pornographic. I’ve tried to discuss this with him, but it just turns into a bigger fight about our differing politics. I’m not sure how to handle this.

Re: Is it just banter or is he really being judgemental?

  • I couldn't be married to someone like this. Are you trying to learn to live with his bigotry or change him? Neither one seems like a particularly great idea. 
  • I'd keep asking questions and let him dig his own grave.  "What kind of stuff?" "What do you mean by that?"  "So that person is speaking out against being assaulted by people in authority.  Why is that something I shouldn't watch?"

    Because at some point he's going to have to admit the quiet part out loud. 
  • H and I will joke around about this…kind of (none of the other bullshit mentioned).  Sometimes if a spicy scene comes on we’ll joke about it. “Your mother raised you to watch this filth?! My poor innocent eyes!” Example (sorry, WL spoiler): the unexpected penis scene from White Lotus this past week. And then we laugh and continue to watch. But the difference is we literally don’t care and we agree on values. LW’s H is an unapologetic bigot. 


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