Wedding Woes

Deal with it or don't go?

Dear Prudence,

For the last year ,I’ve been attending a weightlifting class three times a week, with a rotating group of about 20 regulars. It’s mostly women but a few men attend too who really gel with everyone. It’s a really positive class and everyone chats before and after and cheers each other on during class. Everyone always says it’s the people who keep them coming back, including me!

The slight issue is that about every other month, we try to go out for a happy hour or something after our workout. While the concept of, “Hey anyone up for some beers on a patio right now?” after lifting sounds great, in reality, it just isn’t fun. There are a few people in the group who honestly just talk too much (including our otherwise beloved instructor) and are constantly doing this strange thing of trying to outdo each other with sardonic anecdotes about dating, their families, etc. I imagine this is a common workplace scenario but I’ve been self-employed for so long that I’m out of practice on how to avoid irritating people to connect with the ones I like.

This isn’t the most serious issue, but do you have any thoughts on how to shift the tide of a group conversation when one or two people keep taking over others? There’s not anyone specifically I’m interested in seeing one-on-one but I do really care about the group dynamic as I spend more time with these people than most of my close friends!

—Tired of the Monologuing

Re: Deal with it or don't go?

  • You could just not go to happy hour. You could also treat it how you'd treat happy hour with co-workers that you want to maintain relationships with but don't actually like. Only go to every second or third one, and when you do go, only stay for 45 minutes or so. 
  • Maybe I’m just too introverted but I’d never do this. It’s one thing to click with a couple of people and meet for a coffee, but the whole class? And the instructor?I dont even like that the instructor of the class I regularly go to takes a picture of everyone at the end (I nope right out of that). 

    Just…don’t go? Or go to every 2-3, have one drink and bounce? Did this really need a Prudie letter?


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  • You don’t have to go. You can also have side conversations with other people depending on how big the group is. Or yah don’t go. 
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