This feels like the end

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend moved in with me six months ago. We both have a dog and luckily, the dogs adore one another. However, despite my loving dogs, I don’t like them IN my bed. I don’t mind them on the bed but I don’t want them under the covers or on the fitted sheet. I make my bed every morning and have a blanket I put on the bed that the dogs can lay on so that dog hair doesn’t get onto the blankets I sleep on.

Recently, my girlfriend got a new job and doesn’t have to be up as early as I am, so she is still in bed when I leave for work, and I can’t make the bed anymore. I asked her to make the bed and explained why it is important to me to get in bed and not have pet hair on my pillow but she still won’t do it. Worse, her job is hybrid and when she works from home, she sometimes just works in the bed, with both dogs cuddled against her while she eats and drinks, getting crumbs everywhere.

I have begged and pleaded as much as I can and finally just started sleeping in the spare bedroom, where I can make the bed every morning before I leave for work and don’t have to sleep with dog hair and food crumbs. My girlfriend is understandably upset and said I am being too rigid, not making her feel “at home,” and acting like it is still just “my house.” But I would feel like this even if we had moved into a new place together.

I want to ask her to move out. I own the house, she isn’t paying toward the mortgage and is only paying a small percentage of the utilities and HOA fees. It won’t be difficult for her to find another place to live that she can afford. However, if I do this, I don’t think there is any way to salvage the relationship, right? Things were great before we moved in together and I’d like to go back to that, but knowing that we can’t live together is probably the end of the relationship because we’d both eventually like to be married (although neither of us wants kids). Is there a way to go backward?

—Is This the End?

VarunaTT

Go ahead and ask her to move out and let the relationship die.  I'm pretty sure this isn't the only thing that OP is rigid on and GF deserves to be with someone that matches.  IDK about OP, b/c this seems too extreme to me, so either get help or find someone who matches OP.  The crumbs I kinda get, but honestly, OP is delusional if they don't think they're sleeping with dog hair at all times everywhere.  That's just how it works.

MyNameIsNot

To me, the middle ground was sleeping in separate rooms. I know that's not romantic, but the reality of adults with habits means sometimes it's the happiest solution to keep your relationship together. But girlfriend is insistent that LW sleep in the same bed, while not willing to make any concessions. LW isn't the only rigid one here. 

I agree that this is probably about a lot more than clean sheets and that they probably just need to go their separate ways. 

CharmedPam

See?!? And people ask why I don’t want to date people with dogs.

banana468

It's not just the dogs but the crumbs.  Dogs to me is a personal stance but the crumbs in the bed is a no.

levioosa

This is so hypocritical but dogs in the bed feels so different to me than cats in the bed. 

banana468

levioosa said:

This is so hypocritical but dogs in the bed feels so different to me than cats in the bed. 

I don't know - if you have an indoor only cat I'd totally agree. 

MyNameIsNot

That's funny! Getting a cat was what made me start making the bed in my early 20s. Litterbox paws grossed me out

ei34

I agree that it feels like the end.  Eating in bed is a huge no for me (really food in the bedroom in general, but feeling crumbs in the bed would send me), and although I don't currently have any pets, I don't think I'd like a dog under the covers either (if they were anything like the dogs we used to have, rolling around outside the way they do).  But I also wouldn't want my partner to have to give those things up, if they brought them joy.

short+sassy

I have a big curiosity question for this one.  It sounds like the dogs aren't in the bed when they are sleeping.  But what was the situation when they were living apart?  It sounds like she would have had her dog sleeping in bed with her.  Did she kick her dog out when he came over?  Shouldn't this have prompted a discussion in the beginning?

I'm actually on his side for this one.  Some people really don't like dogs sleeping in the bed and she doesn't seem open to any kind of compromise.  NGL, I also think it's really weird for someone to spend all day in bed while they are working and eating/drinking unless they're sick or it's only occasionally.  But if that is what she does, another compromise could be his side is kept covered up and blankets are put down on top of it.  

I feel like him sleeping in a different bedroom on days when his g/f is WFH or sleeping in is another good compromise and would be better than them throwing out the whole relationship.  But she doesn't want to do that either.