I think that's an appropriate response...

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I resent one of my very closest friends for not voting in the 2024 presidential election. He said he did it because he never changed his address so his ID and actual address wouldn’t match. Same city, and the same zip code, but where we live, if he would have voted, maybe he would have broken the law. But on a night out, he mentioned concerns about the obvious genocide in Gaza and the lack of intervention by the Democrats. I got the sense that withholding a vote was slightly punitive.

I truly wish I held respect for this value-based position, but truth be told, I resent him for not voting. Yes, I believe what’s happening in Gaza is genocide. I think the two-party system sucks, and leaves a lot of people not feeling truly represented. And yes, I know that because of the way the electoral college works, this whole qualm of mine makes no sense, which is why I need another perspective.

But I just don’t believe anyone in America gets out without some blood on their hands if we choose to look really closely at where our food comes from, how our clothes are made, and what goes into making technology. It feels like a false moral superiority. Trump was never going to be a better friend to the Palestinians than Kamala Harris. My friend’s lack of voting did not change the outcome of the race. The electoral college still would have been a landslide in Trump’s favor. So what should I do to squelch my resentment? When he complains about Trump, I think I just want to have a different reaction than, “Well, you could have voted.”

VarunaTT

Honestly, if I found out a friend didn't vote for any reason, right now I'd probably flame out.  I'd have to work so hard to just not rip into them, I'd probably start avoiding them.  OP, don't squelch your resentment.  Just decide how you want to handle the interactions.  It's absolutely okay to slap down a boundary that you won't discuss politics with OP or hell, even stop seeing them.  

Incoming rant:  I am SO TIRED of people who withheld their votes.  Then, I see some many of that demographic using justification that we need to burn it all down, this government is a failure.  And JUST like those of us who held our noses and voted said would happen, the most marginalized of our society are the front line bodies that are falling.  Fvck outta here, while I'm watching friends flee to different states in hopes that they'll be protected.  While I'm watching friends literally afraid to go outside b/c if they get clocked, they're in danger.  While I'm moving into my mother's house b/c her income and healthcare are under danger at 88 years old.  Your pompous and arrogant purity test has failed b/c Palestine isn't getting any help at all now AND you sacrificed a whole lot of bodies for your point.  Bugger all the way, entirely, to the other side of the galaxy, off.

ETA:  Words and I almost started adding to my list, b/c I know people personally and w/in few degrees of separation who have lost their careers, I'm watching medical professionals who just wanted to help people LIVE lose their careers and mission....fvck off isn't big enough for what I want for this demographic.

ILoveBeachMusic

I feel this way about people who did vote but voted for Trump. I've been handling that this week with people who are staying with us at the beach. They don't like him as a person or what he is doing but didn't want to vote for Kamala Harris. I was shocked when I discovered this. I've been really having to watch what I say all week. The husband of the couple is H's best friend from college and they have been friends for 50+ years. I've only known them for 42! It is so damn difficult.

charlotte989875

I have a lot of thoughts about this. 

I was so angry prior to the election about lived for protest “votes” by not voting for president because the only one who benefits from that is a Trump. 

And- it sounds like LW is looking for someone to blame for the catastrophe we’re all in. It was a systematic failure as well as many many individual ones that landed us where we are. So LWs friend is not solely responsible for this disaster. 

I’d say if he doesn’t recognize his role in getting trump elected then yah tell him- “you didn’t vote. You helped him win. Yes you get to complain because we’re all living in a dumpster fire but you should acknowledge you played a role in that”. But he played a very small role. He wasn’t Elon funneling billions, or Republican state legislatures rolling back voter access. 

banana468

@charlotte989875 I'm with you.  Also, depending on where you are I have different feelings and it depends on what the election was.

I live in a blue blue state.  If you voted or didn't vote for president it didn't really make a lick of difference BUT votes at the local level were a big deal.  If you lived in a swing state and didn't vote I'd be largely angry that your vote has more weight and you should take the responsibility far more serious than you did.  FFS update your address and get it done.  

short+sassy

banana468 said:

@charlotte989875 I'm with you.  Also, depending on where you are I have different feelings and it depends on what the election was.

I live in a blue blue state.  If you voted or didn't vote for president it didn't really make a lick of difference BUT votes at the local level were a big deal.  If you lived in a swing state and didn't vote I'd be largely angry that your vote has more weight and you should take the responsibility far more serious than you did.  FFS update your address and get it done.  

Getting rid of the electoral college would go a long way in turning around voter apathy.  It's pointless and means that each American's vote has a different weight, depending on what state they are in and that's before we even talk about swing states.  Generally speaking, the more electoral votes a state has, the less each vote from their citizens count and vice versa.  But it's in the Constitution, so would take an amendment to remove it.  Not easy.

What would be easier, and a couple states do this, is to divvy up the electoral votes by county(ies).  But state politicians will never push for that because they want to keep the stronghold for their party in Presidential elections.

There were only three things on my ballot for the Presidential election.  Each one of them was going to be (and was) extremely to one side, so my votes didn't matter at all.  My husband and I only voted as "symbolism" against Trump.

I bet if all the millions of people who came out for the Hands Off protests this weekend had shown up at the ballot box, Harris would have won.  They all could have spent this weekend doing something more fun instead of watching democracy and our economy crumbling around us.