Wedding Woes

Find a new therapist

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been seeing a therapist for two years. The first year was fine. But now that we’re in our second year, I’m finding my therapist is getting more and more forgetful. Some of the things he forgot were things one of us said a year ago. But there are some key details that seem brand new to him that we’ve discussed multiple times. He has zero recollection of some feedback he gave me last year to the point that he was shocked when I quoted him.

I bring it up in the moment, and my therapist seems apologetic, but it’s happening more and more often. I know he’s going through some personal stuff, but the whole ironic reason I’m seeing him is because I feel like a ghost in my own life. I can see and hear myself, but no one else does. I understand that my life may not be at the level of trauma, interest, or damage that therapists are used to. I wasn’t even the one who wanted to do this, as my therapist was diagnosing me for something completely different when we met. He was the one who wanted to continue regular meetings.

This last session was particularly hurtful. I don’t want to keep bringing it up because I already have professional confirmation that I’m utterly forgettable. Should I ghost him? Is that rude? How can I forgive myself for thinking therapy was a good idea? Do I end the thing that’s hurting me?

Re: Find a new therapist

  • I don't think you need to or should give up on therapy altogether, but obviously this particular therapist is no longer the right one for you. 

    Tell him that you'll be ending your therapy with him because it is not helping you anymore. Be firm and don't let him talk you out of leaving. Then find someone else. 
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  • I don't think you owe him a break up; you can just ghost if you'd rather. 

    But yeah, you need a different therapist. It's entirely likely that a therapist won't remember the details of your life or their comments a year later. That's why any decent therapist (or doctor, or lawyer, or basically any professional) records notes after every meeting and refreshes their memory by reviewing them before they see you again. 
  • I think it’s normal to change once and awhile, no?

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