leave him alone

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

Several decades ago, my younger brother cut off ties with most of our family. I don’t entirely respect or understand his reasoning, which is probably why he chooses not to speak to me, but I would dearly love to reconnect. The problem is that I’m in a catch-22 position—he’s set a boundary, and if I reach out, he will be deeply offended, but if I don’t, then we will never reconnect. There are also ethical concerns. I’ve heard that even the mention of his family effects his mental health, so I may just distress him. Do I have a right to intrude on him after all this time? How do I even go about it when he has put significant barriers in place to prevent me reaching out?

MyNameIsNot

He has put significant barriers in place to prevent you from reaching out. If you care about him at all, you will respect them and leave him alone. 

short+sassy

The LW is glossing right over what was so serious and horrible that their brother's mental health is still affected when his family is mentioned.  Even though it's been DECADES.

It's like each sentence in their letter is another scream of how much the brother wants to be left alone, but the LW is still so selfish they want to ignore all of it.

They will probably never reconnect with their brother and it's way past the time when they need to accept that.

CharmedPam

If the thought or sound of family does that to him still, he’s not ready 

VarunaTT

Casadena said:

Dear Prudence,

Several decades ago, my younger brother cut off ties with most of our family. I don’t entirely respect or understand his reasoning, which is probably why he chooses not to speak to me, but I would dearly love to reconnect. The problem is that I’m in a catch-22 position—he’s set a boundary, and if I reach out, he will be deeply offended, but if I don’t, then we will never reconnect. There are also ethical concerns. I’ve heard that even the mention of his family effects his mental health, so I may just distress him. Do I have a right to intrude on him after all this time? How do I even go about it when he has put significant barriers in place to prevent me reaching out?

Then no, you have no right (not that you ever do) and leave those barriers in place.  OP isn't safe for their brother.