Dear Prudence,
I have been pretty involved in the lives of my preteen nieces since their mom died three years ago. My brother often travels for work, so the girls stay with me and often on the weekend even when their dad is here. My condo has an indoor swimming pool. My brother started dating a mom with a 15-year-old daughter, “Jessica.” Jessica started wanting to tag along when I took the girls shopping or out to events. At first, I didn’t mind, but increasingly it got annoying because her mother never gave me money for food or other expenses, and Jessica often spent the money she had and complained she didn’t have any left if she wanted something else.
My nieces have been saving and learning to budget their allowances since they started earning it. We were coming back from the farmer’s market and stopped at Starbucks. They had small samples out that the girls tried. Jessica wanted to buy something but had no money. I told her I was just getting a black coffee, and we were going home. What happened was Jessica went to her mother and lied that I got my nieces a treat and not her. Her mother went into mama bear mode and texted me a nasty message.
Obviously, I went to my brother and my nieces backed me up. I didn’t receive an apology from either Jessica or her mother—so I told my brother Jessica was persona non grata on the trips. Not only was she a liar, but over something as trivial as a drink, and a bad one at that. Her mother didn’t even bother to ask before attacking me. My brother is very upset and says that my “punishment” is going endanger his romance. I say Jessica is 15, not 5. The consequences of not coming along after her behavior are perfectly natural. He threatened to keep my nieces away, so I bluntly told him that if he did, he would have to tell them the truth or I would. My nieces are still coming over but my relationship with my brother is frosty. What should I do?
—Buy Your Own