Not doing anything wrong

Casadena

My husband and I had a court house wedding back during the pandemic. I was aging out of my parents’ insurance and it seemed right at the time, rather than waiting and saving for a real wedding. But now, we are in a much better and stable financial situation and part of me always wanted my big day. We have a big family reunion coming up in the hometown of my grandparents. They are big church goers and the idea would be to have the pastor give us his blessing and then my husband and I would take everyone to a restaurant we would rent out. I would be wearing a white sundress with an orchid in my hair.

My grandparents and several family members are very happy to have this done—just not my own mother! She says it is a “cheat” because everyone knows we’ve been married for years and that it’s attention seeking behavior. The bizarre thing is, this is the woman who has been bitching and moaning about how she missed seeing her only little girl walk down the aisle! It would be a few minutes in front of the congregation and then having a party that we plan to pay for! This is very hurtful and confusing for me. It is causing me to have cold feet over the entire affair. Thoughts?

CharmedPam

It’s only a cheat if you tell everyone it’s your wedding day when it’s not. It sounds like your guests know what this really is, and can make the decision to go or not.

ei34

This sounds lovely and well-hosted.   Your mom is incorrect- it's wrong to deceive your guests but this isn't what's happening.  I'd go ahead with this celebration and try your best to enjoy and not let mom put a damper on it (way easier said than done).  Wish this was a really knottie and not a prudie LW- she could show her mom a bunch of internet strangers' thoughts 

banana468

It sounds like mom is going to be upset at something so give her two things to be upset at. 

short+sassy

Other than I always cringe at the phrase "real wedding" in these situations, her mom is just being a sour puss.

They aren't lying to anyone. They are thoughtfully having this event when most of the family will be in town. They are properly hosting everyone.  There's nothing for anyone to be upset about and the mom is being negative for no reason.

The LW should do her best to focus on planning and enjoying the event, especially since everyone else is happy about it.  There isn't a way to fully to take away the disappointment that her mom isn't on board, but the best thing to do is not talk about with her and cut off the conversation if her mom tries.