I got married pretty young. We had been together since college, and it truly felt right to get engaged and married. Over time, my partner has gone through phases of struggling with their temper (nothing violent at all, but they have big outbursts that can be triggering) as well as taking me for granted, criticizing me constantly, and just generally sighing every time I say something they don’t like or that they find to be “extra.” They have let me know I am not a good roommate to them nor a good bedmate. They have also mentioned that I annoy them in a group setting at times. I know, I know—but believe it or not, we are still in love!
A year ago, I initiated a separation which was intended to be temporary. I moved out by myself, trying to cultivate a degree of peace I never had as a kid. A few months ago, they came over to end the relationship, citing they couldn’t handle the uncertainty anymore (we are in couples therapy as well, but haven’t made moves to live together as yet, nor do I feel a desire to do so). Soon after, they took it all back, saying they couldn’t see their life without me.
Since then, I have considered wanting to see other people. I agreed to continue trying, and I still want to, but I am very young and they have displayed that they’re not able to treat me well consistently over the last decade-plus. We still love each other, see the same future, but there are so many possibilities in this life, and I’m not sure being married to my college sweetheart is the way. I know you can’t decide for me, but any guidance as I try to figure out which timeline I’m in?