a $400 pillow?!?

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I went on vacation for a week recently and left his brother, “John,” to housesit since he’d been going through some difficulty in his marriage.

We returned to find our liquor supply exhausted and an expensive down pillow from our bed had been … let’s call it “ravaged” and was beyond cleaning. John admitted to consuming our booze and replaced it, but never mentioned anything about ruining the pillow when I asked him if there was anything else he needed to replace. My husband says John is going through a lot right now and that we should look the other way in terms of the pillow. That pillow was over $400! I think if someone destroys property, they must either replace it or pay for it, even if they weren’t in their right mind when they ruined it. Should I insist that my brother-in-law compensate us for it?

—Sister-in-law of a Pillow Perv

short+sassy

That must be one great pillow!

Overall, I agree with the LW that guests should compensate people if they destroy something.  But with some caveats.

• If someone uses something in its normal fashion and the item breaks, that would be an exception.  Though it doesn't sound like this is what happened with John.
• How old was this pillow?  I looked it up.  The useful life of a high end, down pillow is 2 years.  Older than that, it will have little to no value.  John should pay for his mistake.  But it's also not right for the LW and her H to be enriched by John replacing their old pillow with a new one.
• Was it a favor to John or the LW/H that he house sit?  If it was a favor to them, did they pay him?  If it was his favor to them and they didn't pay him, then they should definitely let this go.  I also wouldn't have expected John to replace all the liquor he drank, just some of it

charlotte989875

What in the world did he do to the pillow?

also- why beat around the bush, ask him directly about the pillow. Also who is spending $400 on a pillow. 

MyNameIsNot

John admitted to consuming our booze and replaced it, but never mentioned anything about ruining the pillow when I asked him if there was anything else he needed to replace.

What? Why didn't you just ask him to replace to pillow instead of being passive-aggressive? 

I'm guessing it's gone the way of a teenager's gym socks, and he may not remember or realize that it was damaged. 

banana468

I feel like lamenting the cost of the pillow completely negates the issue that the BIL destroyed it.     It reminds me of the old Sex and the City episode where Carrie's Manolos are stolen and she has to go home in old no name canvas sneakers.  When she confronts Tatum O'Neil about the missing shoes and says that they were $400 Tatum said it was silly to spend that on shoes and that's not the point.  Carrie wore them and then they were not there.

It's the thing here.  It's a homeowner who bought a pillow (and a quick look shows that there are $400 pillows at Raymour and Flanagan.  And if I got home to see after a bender someone spilled booze or yacked all over my pillow I'd be upset.  And the older I get, the pickier I am about MY pillow being the way I can sleep at night.  So ruining my pillow could really ruin my week.

Ask the brother to replace the pillow and ask if he'd prefer to give you cash or $400 venmo.  If he doesn't replace it that tells me about his integrity. 

CharmedPam

The LW lied.
it’s a $395.00 pillow.

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/luxury-european-goose-down-pillow-insert/?catalogId=79&sku=1290318&cm_ven=PLA&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Bedding%20%3E%20Pillow%20Inserts&cm_ite=1290318_20398269274_Pmax&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20393775317&gbraid=0AAAAADrs9cHHIKjr3_3k6SjndG9T3ZcDD&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgIXCBhDBARIsAELC9ZiJbcN8_O-1b2xuh_pg6ibpda5bcvEnI9sEgtF_uCdRk9RsuOTbyMsaAp4OEALw_wcB

levioosa

I have definitely had my down pillows more than 2 years lol. 

I regret to say I have had an extremely similar thing happen to me, and while SIL and I will make aghast comments about it rarely (she was aware of the situation/there for it) we never said anything to the guy because, like, what do you even say of the unmentionable thing you wish was cauterized out of your memory? 

ei34

If the pillow had been clawed by the cat while BIL was there, I’d say he doesn’t owe them. That’s something that can happen in the natural way of things. But yeah LW calling him a pillow perv takes me to Jason Biggs and the apple pie (as disturbing as that is). 

An analogy for LW’s H could be that if the BIL had taken H’s bike out for a ride, and fell off and the bike was damaged, it’s unfortunate but is something that can happen. What happened to the pillow would he like the BIL taking baseball to the bike and smashing it apart. Not a normal thing to happen to a bike and it wouldn’t have happened if BIL hadn’t been careless. 

Whether or not he pays up I don’t think BIL is a good house sitting candidate right now.