not appropriate, but mom is overreacting

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

Last weekend, my friends threw a bridal shower for me. My mother was in attendance, and more than a few of the gifts were things for the bedroom. I’m not talking about comforters and shams. Think whips, crotchless panties, handcuffs, and waterproof sex blankets. My mother was so mortified that she left. Later on, she called my friends “deranged perverts,” and now she wants them disinvited from the wedding! I told her that isn’t going to happen (among those she wants booted are my maid of honor and two of my bridesmaids), and now she’s sulking. She didn’t grow up in the most enlightened household, but I think this is pure craziness. What can I do to get her out of the Dark Ages?

—It’s 2025 Not 1925

MyNameIsNot

You're not going to get her to be ok with these things, and you're really not going to get her to be ok with them being gifted in an inappropriate setting. But she's still ridiculous for thinking you should disinvite them.

"Mom, these are my friends. Yes, bringing these to the shower were in poor taste, but it isn't as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. They will be at my wedding and I expect you to be civil to them. The subject is closed." 

But also, your friends should understand that sometimes you need to tone down the whips and chains in front of mom. JFC. 

CharmedPam

I always thought that stuff was “bachelorette” party stuff and bridal showers were more family orientated? 

banana468

You don't uninvite people for being inappropriate.

I totally agree w/ @MyNameIsNot.  I did give a friend a book called "Cook Naked" but that was as edgy as it got as a shower gift. 

It also makes me wonder if this may be the first in the group to get married?  Are the bridesmaids new at this?? 

That said I'd be clear to mom, "Mom they're saying that being in a marriage allows for more than vanilla sex when you're in a trusted relationship built on love and respect. "

If my mom was religious I'd go the extra step of saying "And come on - you know it's supposed to be consummated to be valid!" 

charlotte989875

I don’t know if I’d say is was completely inappropriate (because who gets to decide that?) but mom was probably unprepared and surprised and that’s fine. What’s not fine is trying to kick out the bridal party or disinviting them from the wedding. Tell her you understand she was surprised and upset but that your friends will still be at the wedding. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

I don’t know if I’d say is was completely inappropriate (because who gets to decide that?) but mom was probably unprepared and surprised and that’s fine. What’s not fine is trying to kick out the bridal party or disinviting them from the wedding. Tell her you understand she was surprised and upset but that your friends will still be at the wedding. 

"Mom, if you have a grandchild conceived when one of these was used would you be upset??" 

VarunaTT

"Getting her out of the Dark Ages" really isn't your business.  It sounds like you've said no and she's accepted it. Move on with your life and plans.