Your H sucks, and take the money

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My former best friend slept with my husband. To save our marriage, we cut off all ties with her and her family. Reconciliation with my husband has been painful but rewarding. Recently, my husband and I received legal notifications that she had established two very generous college funds for our young daughters. We (especially I) want nothing to do with her or her guilt money; her behavior feels so manipulative. But by refusing the college funds, I’m worried I’m being a bad mother, making my girls’ college careers less certain. Would it be petty to turn down her money?

—Tuition Turmoil

MyNameIsNot

Take the money and ditch the husband. 

CharmedPam

MyNameIsNot said:

Take the money and ditch the husband. 

👆🏻

I can almost guarantee that marriage isn’t the same anyway.  

MyNameIsNot

But if you blame it all on the other woman, you can just stay with him and not have to confront reality. 

Casadena

I will never understand keeping the husband but cutting the friendship in situations like this. Your H is far more in the wrong. Take the money

banana468

I'd ignore them at this point.  

Repairing a marriage is the personal choice of two people.  I've seen marriages survive infidelity and some not - but that's up to the people.

But I would be cutting off all contact and I dont' know - maybe filing it away.  If you don't want the guilt money then ignore it. 

VarunaTT

What sort of contact is really necessary for these funds?  I'd take the money and only speak to whatever legal/business things are necessary.  So what if it's her guilt money, you're obviously not forgiving her and your kids can get some help with college.  Win-win, in my book.

MNNEBride

I'm in the take the money camp, but I wonder what she'll say to her children about where the money came from when it comes time for college.  I can see a Prudie letter 15 years in the future along the lines of "I just found out my college fund was guilt money from my mom's former BFF who slept with my father".

MyNameIsNot

Meh, I'm not sure that the kids would ever know. The letter says they're young, so it's not like they're high school seniors suddenly being told there is college money when there never was before. LW could easy pass it off as "set money aside over the years".

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

Meh, I'm not sure that the kids would ever know. The letter says they're young, so it's not like they're high school seniors suddenly being told there is college money when there never was before. LW could easy pass it off as "set money aside over the years".

That's where I am "There is a college fund for you".

That said, I would be talking to lawyers to ensure that it's truly for the kids because I wouldn't want something to happen and that $ to go away