Dear Prudence,
The neighborhood curmudgeon finally kicked the bucket after, from what I am told is a 50-plus-year reign of terrorizing the community. “Miss Jones” made life a misery for everyone she encountered—screamed obscenities and threats of calling the police at neighborhood kids who had the temerity to ride past her place; frequently dumped her yard waste on the next door neighbors’ lawns; stole newspapers from others back when physical papers were a thing; allowed her dogs to defecate on other people’s property; thought nothing of plugging in an extension cord at the next door neighbor’s to help herself to some electricity, etc.
The problem is that my wife, for reasons I cannot understand, is insisting that our family attend her funeral! This woman had no friends or family willing to remain close to her for good reason. She says that’s the point. As far as I’m concerned, if that’s the way she feels, she’s welcome to go on her own, but she’s insisting on dragging the rest of us along. Our teenage children and I all think this isn’t right. Other than faking a collective case of food poisoning, how do the kids and I get out of this one?