Nunya

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

My neighbor’s wife is having an affair. I know this because last weekend, I was next to the fence that separates our backyard weeding, and she was sitting at her patio table talking to her significant other on her phone about various sex acts they had engaged in the last time they were together. We were less than 10 feet apart (she didn’t realize I was there), and no, it wasn’t her husband she was on the phone with because at one point I heard her say, “There’s no way ‘Jeffrey’ knows about us.” Jeffrey and my husband are pretty good friends. Should I say something to him, or is his wife’s infidelity none of my business?

banana468

I really feel squidgy about infidelity and keeping it a secret.  Not saying that all disease spreads this way but it's a major trust issue.

I don't know how I'd handle it.  My thought is that I'd talk to the neighbor herself first.   The fact that you live 10 feet apart and that she's already done untrustworthy things means that by opening the door to say something you also need to make sure that your own ends are buttoned up and locked. 

charlotte989875

Yah I mean this is clearly wrong, she knows it’s wrong. If you really feel compelled to do something (although I don’t think you’re in any way obligated to) say something to her. “Hey, I overheard your conversation and you may want to consider that if I did others might too and say something to Jeffrey”. 

Ultimately you don’t know what happens in their house or their marriage so I wouldn’t tell Jeffrey, but if you do have at least a cordial relationship with her you could let her know that you know. Maybe she’ll at least be more discreet. 

CharmedPam

Uh huh. “Weeding”.  It reminded me of this meme

But in all seriousness, because infidelity is not a joke, is there a way Jeffrey can find out about this without wife or Jeffrey knowing who the nark is?

short+sassy

This is more likely to go poorly for the LW and their husband if something is said.  There's a good chance the neighbor friend will be angry at the "messenger" and may not even believe them.  Then his wife will be salty also.  She'll be salty, either way.  It will definitely make the friendship awkward, no matter how it plays out.

But mainly, I don't want to get involved with someone else's marriage though would probably make an exception if it were someone I am pretty close to.  There might be a lot going on in the marriage the LW doesn't know about.  Maybe the husband's been a rampant cheater for years.  

CharmedPam

Another thing I’lll add. I’d keep my mouth shut if LW saw some dude come over and neighbor was obvious about cheating because there’s a lot of open relationships and that’s none of my business if I don’t know the backstory. But LW heard it was a secret. I feel bad for Jeffrey. 

banana468

CharmedPam said:

Another thing I’lll add. I’d keep my mouth shut if LW saw some dude come over and neighbor was obvious about cheating because there’s a lot of open relationships and that’s none of my business if I don’t know the backstory. But LW heard it was a secret. I feel bad for Jeffrey. 

That's why I feel bad here.