Hump Day

ei34

How's everyone (besides hot)?  Hope all is okay!

ei34

Today is supposedly our last day of this heat wave.  I've been busy proctoring tests at work and running around getting end of year gifts together for teachers, etc. as well.  Tonight is the DDs final softball game of the year - it could have ended earlier but it's the third and final round of the playoffs, so they are very excited.  

VarunaTT

I think I've found a couple of support groups to call and check out.  I don't want to overuse my friends support on this matter and I do need an outlet.  Honestly, I knew I'd have to gentle parent my mother, but I don't think I understood I'd be gentle parenting my mother.  Having to tell my mother, You won't speak to me that way, is a trip. 

We now have a journal on the counter, where we both write notes about conversations so that Mom can refer to it.  Her short term memory is non-existent.  While it is difficult answering the same question multiple times, it's that she gets upset when she thinks I've made a decision w/out consulting her and answering her questions -- which simply isn't what happened, she just doesn't remember the previous conversations.  So, the journal is helping, but she still gets miffed about things.  And that's her problem to deal with.  I'm trying to extend grace, it has to SUCK feeling like you need help in your own home and then having your 48 year old daughter hold you accountable in ways you're not used to.  But I need to be very careful too...I don't want to go backwards in my own emotional intelligence journey and whew....watching the unhealed version of myself walked around doing these things is really, Really, REALLY hard.

I was supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight, but he asked earlier to cancel.  He's teaching summer school and he said between that and the heat, he was tapped out.  So, i probably need to force myself out of the house for a bit. 

Also, does anyone have an podcast recommendations? I like investigative ones, really any sort of topic.  I'm a little behind on new stuffs and I need something to listen to.

banana468

@VarunaTT I have so little time but still love listening to ArmChair expert before the expert portion.  And DH has loved listening to an anxiety podcast but I'm not sure what it is.  If you're interested lmk.

If mom is aware of her memory hopefully those visual references help.  Hugs to you!  It's a transition phase that can be hard even when the move is motivated and looked at as totally exciting. 

MyNameIsNot

Hot is pretty much it. It's not even noon and already over 90. I guess we're going to see 100 today. We should get a break after today as well, but that's only down to 90s. I don't know if it's just part of getting older or what, but I really don't like summer at all anymore. 

Trying to get organized at work, but people are pissing me off. I need to get better at telling people no when they wait to the last minute and expect me to drop whatever to fix their problem. My own work is getting behind because of it. 

charlotte989875

That’s so tough @VarunaTT, hugs. My mom is also forgetting conversations and it’s SO hard. We had a chat about her babysitting a different day, she said she’d check and let me know. Yesterday H asked her and she told him I didn’t ask her and that “Charlotte and I don’t really talk much”. Ma’am you’re at my house twice a week and we were in the car for over an hour together on Thursday. 

For podcasts I love the Michelle Obama one with her brother (it’s called IMO) and the new Amy Poehler one (“good hang”). I’m also listening to “White Hot Hate” from CBC about white supremacy movements. And I’ve done most of the “American Scandal” seasons. 

charlotte989875

Baby J has HFM. We seriously cannot catch a break. 

VarunaTT

@charlotte989875 One of the things I really struggle with (and it's an overlap between my diagnosed OCD and my suspected autism (which I test so close for, but the overlap is also too big for an official diagnosis) is the all consuming need to be accurate (which is different from being right).  So, when she gets upset b/c she thinks I didn't tell her something, I end up upset, b/c that's not accurate and BOOM we're into me wanting to be defensive and get things accurate and now everyone is upset and we're not solving anything.  So, the journal has helped with that.  I've also been working on mitigating this need, i.e. being aware it exists, but not acting on it, for a long time and probably always will have to.

banana468

Ugh @charlotte989875 I'm so sorry....all the hugs to you guys.   It was years ago around this week and my nephew was being baptized.  DH stood in as proxy Godfather because my SIL's brother had to stay home because HFM went through the house and HE, a Navy dude got it.  Stay healthy! 

CharmedPam

What a good idea for the journal @VarunaTT. Where did you get the idea from? 

Aye @charlotte989875, just what you need! How long does that take to clear?

we’re in for a slight cool down and then some rain the upcoming days. Cool. We actually need that.  But I think it rains on the 4th too. 

I had to switch hair dressers and used her for the first time yesterday. I really thought she was great and knowledgeable. I need knowledge when it comes to hair extensions. She was referred to me by my friend who introduced me to hair extensions in the first place, so because this new place is near her and I was in her area, we caught up and had dinner. She hadn’t heard about a year of my dating history so I talked my ear off and pretty much secured her decision to stay with the man she had. Not that she was leaving him, but I always like to remind people how old, dead, withered and dried out the grass is on the other side.  

VarunaTT

@CharmedPam I have 2 friends who, through their various careers, have had to do take classes and such on aging in place and elderly folx. 

Mom and I had a pretty bad quarrel that really upset me.  It was pretty reminiscent of my teenage years, but 1. I'm not a teenager and 2. I can see what she's doing now.  Then you add on the aging process and it's just a damn mess.  TL;DR: she got me out of bed at 9 pm b/c she was talking to the internet company online and needed my help; I told her not to do it again, that business where she needed me needs to be finished by 8 pm.  She had 3 different excuses about how that didn't work for her.  I just said, "I will not do business after 8 pm, you'll need to figure that out".  The next day she told me she was miserable, that I wasn't asking her before I did things, etc.  I told her, Listen, this isn't true, you've asked me this question 3 times previously, I've answered the exact same thing 4 times now, you just don't remember and IDK what to do about that.  Which is also a struggle for me, b/c I feel like I'm gaslighting her and then I start to question my own sense of reality.  ETA: beyond my own struggle of watching my mom age and what that looks like.

I called the 2 friends for help and support and the journal was their suggestion.  It seems to have helped, like I said, but she still gets irritated about things.  

MNNEBride

@VarunaTT - this sounds so familiar.  DH doesn't recall some of the conversations we had and decisions that were made, and then gets angry at me when I act on what we spoke about.  It's so frustrating.  He thinks I'm gaslighting him and I feel like I'm losing my mind when I'm sure we talked about it.  

VarunaTT

Big hugs, @MNNEBride.  B/c I know how hard it is with my mother and I truly cannot imagine going through it with my spouse.  It's really just so hard.

charlotte989875

It’s rough for a few days but then should clear up pretty quickly. But yah the few days suck.