This is not incest

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. We’ve never had any major relationship problems, have always been good at dealing with conflict, and have been considering getting married in the relatively near future. A few nights ago, he was talking about his family history, and a bomb dropped on everything.

It turns out we must be fourth or fifth cousins. This has honestly disconcerted both of us, but me more than him. I still love him, but I don’t think I can ever look at him in the same way again. I’m not sure if I want to go through with the marriage anymore. Please help, this has been the healthiest and happiest relationship of my life, but I can’t say I feel comfortable with it knowing I’m related to him, however distantly.

—Does It Count as Incest If We Didn’t Know?

MyNameIsNot

I guess it's not incest, but this would still squick me out too. I guess maybe therapy to try to get past it and continue on? 

Casadena

Break up if it makes you feel weird - that's something that isn't "push through it" territory for me. Definitely not incest, but doesn't mean you have to be ok with it!

banana468

You don't need to be OK with it but this strikes me as likely familiar for plenty of couples.

VarunaTT

I have a friend who had this happen via a family reunion.  The couple figured out they were somewhere along fifth cousins as well.

I don't think I'd abandon the relationship, but I'd keep it to myself.  Realistically, a lot of us have common ancestors going that far back.  As long as I wasn't raised with them (which they would've known) or have a medical reason, I wouldn't worry or be icked out.

short+sassy

This is still new information for them.  The LW should let the surprise wear off first and see how they are feeling.  Maybe a few sessions with a therapist, if they think that would help put things in perspective.

I know people can have different feelings for what bothers them, but I'm the complete opposite of the LW.  It wouldn't bother me at all and I'd probably find it funny.

But I'm reminded of my coworker who grew up in rural Louisiana.  He said when he was in high school, he'd never ask a girl out or develop too much of a crush before he talked to his grandma, lol.  Because he was distantly...or not that distantly...related to quite a few of his classmates.