Dear Prudence,
My sister-in-law, “Amelia,” is a lovely woman who lives on a very tight budget. I enjoy cooking and entertaining, and my husband and I frequently host gatherings. Every time we invite Amelia to a meal, whether it’s Christmas dinner or a weekend cookout, she insists on bringing something. This is where it goes horribly wrong.
I’ve told her again and again that all we want is the pleasure of her company. To be clear, I say this to everyone. I really don’t need/want anyone to bring anything.
Yet, Amelia brings items she’s obviously pulled from her pantry or fridge—an open jar of olives well past the expiration date, a half-liter of flat soda, sketchy onion dip. I’ve tried directing her to specific inexpensive items (a pack of hamburger buns! a bag of ice!), but she still shows up with old food. I’m not comfortable serving these items, and she notices if I don’t set them out. I like this woman. I’d invite her over more often if I didn’t have to deal with this issue. But I don’t know how to stop her from bringing us her old food without hurting her feelings. Help!