Don't tell

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work early and found our 15-year-old babysitter having sex with her boyfriend. I fired her on the spot. Do I have any obligation to tell her parents what she did? My husband thinks we should forget about it.

—Caught Lying Down on the Job in the Worst Way

MyNameIsNot

Leave it alone. Firing her was the right call, but teenagers have sex. Unless there was something to suggest she's in danger, there's no need to get in the middle of her and her parents. 

banana468

Unless it was in front of your kids, leave it alone.

Firing her was right but I don't think telling the parents will help much.

charlotte989875

Oh to be 15 and making dumb decisions. She lost a job, she lost a reference, that’s enough. She screwed up but what does telling her parents actually do here?

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

Oh to be 15 and making dumb decisions. She lost a job, she lost a reference, that’s enough. She screwed up but what does telling her parents actually do here?

It's to make sure the parents know how immoral their daughter is, so they can get her back on the "right" path //s.

ILoveBeachMusic

Actually, I think the parents should know (maybe they do) so that they can have a serious talk about safe sex and birth control. Even if they have had that conversation, it might need repeating. As a parent, I would be mortified if my child was having sex while babysitting and would want to know so that I could have a conversation with her.

banana468

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Actually, I think the parents should know (maybe they do) so that they can have a serious talk about safe sex and birth control. Even if they have had that conversation, it might need repeating. As a parent, I would be mortified if my child was having sex while babysitting and would want to know so that I could have a conversation with her.

I think of this but it would really be family specific.

There are households where I would absolutely not tell the parents at all because I think they would not have the approach that this was ever a possibility.

And in that scenario I'd probably opt for tough love as a boss if that was a serious concern.  Where the babysitter is fired but as a parent you say, "Hey, this was completely inappropriate and I can't use you again.  You're not my kid and I won't talk about this with your parents but will be a mom for 2 seconds to tell you I hope you have the education on how to do that both safely for your health and to avoid permanent childcare that doesn't pay." 

ei34

I don’t even know my main babysitter’s parents.  I definitely wouldn’t tell. She’s out a job and just as important, a reference. 

VarunaTT

@banana468 That's what I was thinking too.  I'd want it to be really clear to this young woman that she's not being fired b/c she's having sex...she's being fired b/c she was having sex instead of doing the job she was paid for.  And now let's talk about the level of sex education and awareness this 15 year old has.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

@banana468 That's what I was thinking too.  I'd want it to be really clear to this young woman that she's not being fired b/c she's having sex...she's being fired b/c she was having sex instead of doing the job she was paid for.  And now let's talk about the level of sex education and awareness this 15 year old has.

Right.  I'd like to think that there's been enough discussion in our house about how that would be handled if it was ever my child but I also know that she's come home talking about peers who can't wear leggings and don't get to have a telephone and I would absolutely not start to discuss stuff with another mother if I thought that the Montagues and Capulets would be involved.

charlotte989875

I think banana’s approach is spot on. “You’re being fired because you weren’t doing the job you were being paid for. But also- as a mom, and someone who walked in on sex I’m going to take this time to make sure you know how to keep yourself safe”. 

short+sassy

VarunaTT said:

@banana468 That's what I was thinking too.  I'd want it to be really clear to this young woman that she's not being fired b/c she's having sex...she's being fired b/c she was having sex instead of doing the job she was paid for.  And now let's talk about the level of sex education and awareness this 15 year old has.

There have certainly been a lot of adults fired for the same reason, lol.