Dear Prudence,
I was in my former stepdaughter’s life since she was 4. “Kara’s” biological mother was a functional narcissist that never wanted anything to do with being a mom. I truly thought of Kara as my own until she became a teenager and her mom showed back up again. The woman introduced Kara to pot and did everything possible to poison my relationship with Kara. And it worked. Kara became rebellious, destructive, and finally physically violent towards me and her toddler brother. My ex refused to see the writing on the wall until Kara got arrested for serious thefts and assaulted a police officer. She was 14 at the time, and I was living separately from her father.
This was the final straw, and I filed for divorce and moved back home. My ex blamed me for his financial difficulties and not being able to afford a lawyer for Kara. He was so focused on Kara that he failed to visit or see our son for 4 years. I have slowly built a new life with my son but have no plans to ever remarry. Kara has been in and out of jail for the past decade. I haven’t seen her since she was 14 and her last words to me was wishing I was dead and that she never loved me.
Well, Kara apparently has been trying to turn her life around and finished rehab. She has contacted me on social media wanting to reconnect. Part of me remembers the little girl that called me mommy, but a large part remembers the horrors of the last few years where I was afraid to even be in my own home or my son could get hurt by his own sister. What should I do? Do I owe Kara anything? I know Kara isn’t living with her father currently.