Your wife is a nut

Casadena

I have some neighbors who have an 8-year-old daughter whom they let bike around the neighborhood unaccompanied. My wife is convinced this child is at risk for kidnapping and has been wanting to call CPS on them. I have only been just barely able to stop her. We live in a very safe neighborhood in the suburbs with little traffic, and as far as I am concerned, the risk to this young girl is negligible. What can I do to get through to her that this child is not in danger and that social workers have actual cases of child abuse to pursue?

—This Is Not a Lifetime Movie

charlotte989875

Your wife is 100% the problem. Do you know why more kids don’t ride their bikes around town? Because people like your wife. 

Do you even know these neighbors? Has she ever had a polite friendly conversation with them? She should start there. 

CharmedPam

It’s 2025 so I’m on the side of LW’s wife, no matter how safe you think it is. However, kidnapping is not new and nothing you should call CPS on. I feel like they have real cases to be involved with

banana468

More info needed here. I am thinking the wife is the nutter here unless we're talking wide open neighborhood, lots of traffic, etc.

DD started biking around the neighborhood and down to the middle school last year at 13 and that was miles away.  

short+sassy

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any way for the LW to convince his wife she is taking "stranger danger" WAY too far.

I looked up the stat and it is even rarer than I thought.  In the US, only about 100 children per year are kidnapped by a stranger.

Is each one of those cases its own tragic and horrific story?  It is.  But we can't live our lives in isolated bubbles to protect ourselves and our children from every imaginable danger.

And it's certainly not some random, nosy neighbor who gets to decide someone is a bad parent(s) for "exposing" their child to an exceedingly rare risk.

MyNameIsNot

FFS, we were all riding our bikes all over the place in the 80s when crime rates were much higher than they are today. Wife needs to get a grip. 

I would probably warn the parents that my spouse is meddling and might try to make trouble. CPS is not going to show up to investigate a kid riding their bike around a neighborhood, but they will show up if wife stretches the truth to fit whatever stranger danger fantasy she's imagining. 

banana468

short+sassy said:

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any way for the LW to convince his wife she is taking "stranger danger" WAY too far.

I looked up the stat and it is even rarer than I thought.  In the US, only about 100 children per year are kidnapped by a stranger.

Is each one of those cases its own tragic and horrific story?  It is.  But we can't live our lives in isolated bubbles to protect ourselves and our children from every imaginable danger.

And it's certainly not some random, nosy neighbor who gets to decide someone is a bad parent(s) for "exposing" their child to an exceedingly rare risk.

An even better statistic.  If the kid is out and wearing a helmet and sticking to laws, great.

I'm not sure how kids can win these days.  If they're inside and on a screen they're bad.  If they're outside and playing they're bad.

Casadena

Also, it so varies by kid. A responsible capable 8 year old riding their bike around the block or small neighborhood is not a big deal IMO. Some wouldn't be able to handle it.

Also SO many people I know get their kids those gps watches or something similar around that age for this exact reason. So parents could very likely be tracking kiddos location at all times but that wouldn't necessarily be visible to outsiders. 

short+sassy

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any way for the LW to convince his wife she is taking "stranger danger" WAY too far.

I looked up the stat and it is even rarer than I thought.  In the US, only about 100 children per year are kidnapped by a stranger.

Is each one of those cases its own tragic and horrific story?  It is.  But we can't live our lives in isolated bubbles to protect ourselves and our children from every imaginable danger.

And it's certainly not some random, nosy neighbor who gets to decide someone is a bad parent(s) for "exposing" their child to an exceedingly rare risk.

An even better statistic.  If the kid is out and wearing a helmet and sticking to laws, great.

I'm not sure how kids can win these days.  If they're inside and on a screen they're bad.  If they're outside and playing they're bad.

The only thing the LW mentioned was a kidnapping danger.

That's the irony.  A substantially more likely danger is the child being hit by a car.  But that's true for anyone riding a bike.  Hopefully her parents make sure she is wearing a helmet and that she is well versed in traffic laws.

That's what the LW should point out to his wife. "8-year-old children are allowed to ride bikes unaccompanied on public roads.  So WHY would you even call CPS?" 

banana468

Casadena said:

Also, it so varies by kid. A responsible capable 8 year old riding their bike around the block or small neighborhood is not a big deal IMO. Some wouldn't be able to handle it.

Also SO many people I know get their kids those gps watches or something similar around that age for this exact reason. So parents could very likely be tracking kiddos location at all times but that wouldn't necessarily be visible to outsiders. 

Yup this.  

Even last night I freaked out when I couldn't find Chiquita on the map.  She'd turned her phone off because the soccer coach has a no phone rule on the way to games.   But at this point both kids have their GPS on their phone noted so I can find them.   (Bonus - it's really helpful to keep the phone on during sporting events so you know which field to go to). 

levioosa

We live in an etch a sketch neighborhood. The local kids across the street and a few doors down are constantly riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk. Not once have I ever thought about calling CPS. I was listening to a discussion today about how crime rates have fallen a lot in most places, however people's perception of crime has disproportionately increased. And there's no reasoning with people's feelings. SIL lives in the same city, but in a way nicer area. She is always freaked about crime. It's insane the way she has such a warped view of crime where she lives. I know it's partially fueled by all of the alt-right podcasts and youtube videos BIL has on in the background when he's home. But sometimes I want to be like, girl, do you have eyes!? Almost every home in your neighborhood is a large single family house that is well maintained, landscaped, and free of refuse. You have trees, landscaped easements, well maintained roads and sidewalks. There are always people out walking. No one walks for recreational purposes in my area. It is dangerous, and there are visible drugs and crime. But I'm still realistic about what constitutes real "crime" and what is my mind existing in a state of hyperawareness. 

short+sassy

Casadena said:

Also, it so varies by kid. A responsible capable 8 year old riding their bike around the block or small neighborhood is not a big deal IMO. Some wouldn't be able to handle it.

Also SO many people I know get their kids those gps watches or something similar around that age for this exact reason. So parents could very likely be tracking kiddos location at all times but that wouldn't necessarily be visible to outsiders. 

I keep forgetting to do it, but I want to set up tracking on my phone for my H.

I watch way too many True Crime shows, lol.  If I were to ever disappear, maybe that would help the police find me a lot faster.


Violent crime with SA warning:

One episode was especially striking for me.  A woman frequently went out to a local casino...that used to be me!...then she disappeared in their parking lot.  Again, a casino, so cameras EVERYWHERE.  However, the ones in their parking lot were "scanning" cameras instead of fixed ones.

But the interior cameras saw everything that happened before she left.  Another player at their blackjack table befriended her.  Very common with this game.  They played at the table for hours.  Also common.  Then she got up from the table and said her good-byes.  I think she stopped to go the restroom and/or cash in her chips.  Oh!  But look who "coincidentally" was walking towards the exit when she was.  That other player.

Her raped and murdered body was found a few days later.  Thankfully, that psychopath other player was a dumbass who used his player's card at the table.  The casino knew his full name and police were knocking on his door the morning after her disappearance.  Especially once they found her body, the evidence was pretty damning against him and he was convicted.   

banana468

@short+sassy  a lot of people I know like Life 360 and I may invest in it once Chiquita drives (it has alerts that will tell me if she's going over a certain speed) but right now good old Google location sharing works. 

ei34

My kids are allowed to go on walks in our neighborhood without me, but not without each other. Safety in numbers. 

However, LWs wife sounds nuts. Even though the neighbor is alone, this is not a CPS issue. They’re inundated enough with awful scenarios and don’t have time for this.