Dear Prudence,
My partner and I have had a very solid, three-year relationship and have gotten through some pretty difficult situations together. We are best friends, and I have never felt insecure about my body or sex with him. Recently, he left his computer open on my desk, and when I sat down to do my own internet browsing, I saw an email that I had no idea what to do with.
He’s normally very shy about sharing bedroom fantasies or opening up during sex (although we have great sex). So I was a bit taken aback when I realized he was soliciting a private recording from an adult film actress. The sum he paid her was fairly large (in my opinion, think several zeroes), and the conversation between them went back and forth for some time and was very friendly.
He shared quite a deal about what he wanted her to say and do in this recording, none of which was particularly different from our own sex life. I’m not really sure how to process or if I should even address it with him. I am not upset by or judgmental about the consumption of erotica, but I am hurt that he opened up to an adult film star, gave her quite a lot of praise and compliments, and spent a substantial sum of money while we are supposed to be saving for a home. Am I over- or underreacting here?
—Shocked and Confused