Dear Prudence,
Our late uncle was a pilot, and he had a tradition where he would pick up little local candies and bring them back for all the cousins. There were 15 of us, so it was always just small treats. But it’s a cherished memory. I started a career that lets me travel, so I have picked up the tradition of bringing small regional sweets whenever I see my nieces and nephews.
But my sister-in-law, “Anabel,” is a health food freak where there is no sugar, no dyes, and nothing fun. She feeds her family rabbit food, and her kids rebel against it often. I am usually hands-off with how my brother handles his wife and kids until now. Anabel told me to stop giving the other children sweets because it was “excluding” her kids and causing fights because her kids want what their cousins have. I told her I would bring the kids gum instead, and she told me that was even worse and I needed to think outside the box and maybe pick up stuffed animals at the airports. I told her that those items were overpriced as hell. I spend maybe $20 a trip on sweets; I wasn’t dropping hundreds of dollars on tourist junk.
Anabel was very put off by this, and reacted even worse when the rest of our family sided with me over her. Anabel thinks she can dictate what everyone’s diet is and constantly complains about what my mother and sisters make for dinner, but still uses us for free child care. My brother is upset I didn’t back him up and his wife over something so “small.” I am just carrying on a fun tradition, and frankly, I think if the problem is the kids are getting mochi from Okinawa, then my brother and wife have it made in the shade. What else can I do?
—Overseas Candy