Dear Prudence,
I met and married my wife while her daughter, “Zoe,” was in college. My kids were in middle school, so the best I honestly hoped for was a friendly relationship. Zoe made it clear that she wasn’t interested in having a relationship with me or my kids, despite many overtures over the years. She just wanted to see her mom and would turn down any invitations, even when my parents invited her to Hawaii.
Well, Zoe has boomeranged back home after a failed relationship, and it is like living with a nasty teenager rather than a grown adult of 30. She sleeps all day and is a slob. Worse, she increasingly makes nasty remarks about my children. My son is setting up to buy his first house and my daughter graduated with honors and will be taking a gap year in Europe. They are the only grandchildren and my parents are very comfortable helping them out financially. My kids are grateful; Zoe is not. We are covering all her expenses, including her phone and car note. My wife has talked to Zoe, but it only has made her worse.
Recently, things really escalated. Zoe came in while I was on speaker phone with my daughter about her travel plans. Zoe loudly called my daughter a “spoiled little princess.” I told my daughter I would call her later. I turned to Zoe and told her to shut the fuck up and if I heard one more comment about my kids from her, she would be living in her car instead of here.
Zoe said I couldn’t kick her out of “her” house, and I said her name wasn’t on the mortgage. Zoe stormed out and refused to answer her phone for several days. My wife was frantic; we eventually found out Zoe had booked a hotel with her mother’s emergency credit card.
Now, my wife and I are fighting about what to do next. She keeps making excuses for how “hard” Zoe has it compared to my children. I said my kids would never have stolen from their own mother. No one forced Zoe to make a mess of her life. Since she moved back in, she has made zero effort to find a job, and I am not working to support an ungrateful adult that can’t even keep a civil tongue in her head. This might be the final straw for me. I love my wife and made every effort with Zoe over these past eight years. It has gotten me nowhere.
—Eight Years Exhausted