Dear Prudence,
My mother has been very lost since her husband unexpectedly died last year, which is why I was happy she got into a new relationship. Now all my alarm bells are ringing.
Her boyfriend, “Frank,” is a miserable curmudgeon who eats like a fussy toddler and refuses to carry on a civil conversation. My mother used to volunteer and frequently go out to eat with her friends. She has known them for more than 30 years, but now she “can’t” leave Frank by himself. Frank refuses any meal that isn’t deep-fried and doesn’t eat any fruits or vegetables. When I visited, Frank just stared at his plate and sniffed while I was trying to make light conversation. I suggested that my mother and I go for a walk, and Frank got up and followed us five feet behind like some kind of shuffling bear. I couldn’t get a moment alone with my own mother.
My mother later made the excuse that Frank wasn’t feeling well, and I replied that he should have gone to bed then, and his behavior was extremely rude and unwelcoming toward me. This wasn’t the first time I met Frank, but the first time I spent a long weekend at their place. I live in another state. I frequently go on vacation with my mother during the holidays but I don’t want to waste time or money traveling somewhere only to have to deal with Frank. My mother gets very defensive about Frank and refuses to hear that I will not be traveling with him. She still talks like we are going on vacation together. How do I get through to her? I feel my mother is letting Frank isolate her from the world, and I think I might be next up on the chopping block.