Leave it alone

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I are not on the same page as our son and his wife about guns in general and their handguns specifically. He definitely knows this, although we don’t talk about it. But they are adults, and don’t have kids. So we say nothing and quietly donate to Everytown for Gun Safety. This summer, our daughter-in-law had a sudden suicidal crisis with a short-term hospital stay. She’s now working with a doctor and a therapist. Based on what medical info they’ve shared,  they’re still trying to find the right medicine for her, and things are hard. She’s very private about her health, so we just offered to help with pets, groceries, and that type of thing. We told them we loved them and were so glad she was OK. But we didn’t ask any questions.

I assumed that the medical team would advise them of risks since suicidal people die more often in homes with easy gun access. I believed the two of them would temporarily remove guns from the home. They haven’t, and both casually mentioned taking them to the range to practice just last week. I’d like to have a one-time conversation with our son to encourage them to remove the guns together, until the risk is lower for her. I know I can’t make him do it, and that I need to leave my personal beliefs out of it. I’d still like to give the conversation a try, but where do I start?

VarunaTT

I'd have the conversation, but with the knowledge that they probably won't do anything about it.  I wouldn't bring up anything else, just a "I'm concerned because I know this information and wanted to pass it on".  Women are less likely to use guns in an attempt to die by suicide, but I'd still pass it on.

Also, I'm surprised her medical team hasn't reported it....which absolutely means she's lied while being questioned.  If LW is really concerned, she can make an anonymous report to the police and they'll take the guns and make sure she can't legally have access, though her husband would still be able to, so it might all be moot and not worth it.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

I'd have the conversation, but with the knowledge that they probably won't do anything about it.  I wouldn't bring up anything else, just a "I'm concerned because I know this information and wanted to pass it on".  Women are less likely to use guns in an attempt to die by suicide, but I'd still pass it on.

Also, I'm surprised her medical team hasn't reported it....which absolutely means she's lied while being questioned.  If LW is really concerned, she can make an anonymous report to the police and they'll take the guns and make sure she can't legally have access, though her husband would still be able to, so it might all be moot and not worth it.

A lot of this.  

People (like my MIL) will lie on medical forms asking if guns are in the house.  It's an abhorrent practice but it's done for several reasons including assessing mental health.

Mention it to your SIL.  Talk to him about how you love him and the documented studies which make you concerned.  But end it there because while you can have that belief it's still their home and their right.

MyNameIsNot

I'd talk to the son, but instead of telling him what I thought I'd ask what he thought. "Have you thought about temporarily removing your guns until Sally's condition is stabilized?" And then see what he says. 

But $50 says he's going to say it's NBD and she's fine.