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Wedding Woes

LEave him

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I had been struggling with trying to conceive for the last five years, or at least, I thought we were. It turns out that he had a vasectomy before we met and never said anything to me. I found out when we were at his brother’s.

His brother talked about how he and my sister-in-law didn’t want any more kids after the birth of their third one, and asked my husband if he recalled the name of the doctor who performed his vasectomy. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. I stormed out and drove home without him. After my BIL dropped him off at home, my husband tried to explain himself by claiming he didn’t think he wanted kids when he had it done. Supposedly, there was “never a good time” to tell me. When I told him I was leaving him, he offered to get it reversed if I agreed to stay. Despite my better judgment, I told him I needed some time to think.

I’m going to be 37 in less than a month. On the one hand, my chances of finding a new partner in time to have a child are low. On the other hand, my husband deceived me in a major way. Should I take him up on his offer or listen to my instincts and get out?

Re: LEave him

  • He didn't offer to have it reversed for FIVE YEARS?!?!

    Woman, leave him and adopt a baby if you can't find a new hubby in that time.
  • This is absolutely grounds for a divorce.  I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this LW,  heartbreak on so many levels.  
  • ei34 said:
    This is absolutely grounds for a divorce.  I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this LW,  heartbreak on so many levels.  
    Not only that but grounds for an annulment!  

    This is a betrayal of trust.  I'm not sure I would be able to stay with someone who mislead me for half a decade. 
  • Go to a sperm bank after the divorce attorney. 

    He lied. But he also let you go through YEARS of thinking you had fertility issues, the pain of not being able to conceive, and likely spending money on treatments. He was willing to make you do all of that, continue to go through that pain, and he never once told you the truth (or just went and got it reversed if he’s willing to do that now). Leave him. There’s no coming back from this. 
  • It breaks my heart that you even have to ask this question. This man lied to you for five years and let you suffer the pain of not being able to conceive for five years. He does not deserve a second chance. Leave him immediately and speak to an attorney about whether annulment is an option, and start exploring other options for having children.

    I am so, so sorry this happened to you. 
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