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Wedding Woes

Bean dip

Dear Prudence,

My daughter is getting married in February, and my husband and I are paying for a destination wedding for her and our soon-to-be sister-in-law. The trouble is that the venue is near where my mother’s two high school friends live, and she is pressuring us to invite them to the wedding. Why is this such a problem (aside from the fact that my daughter and her fiancé don’t know them)?

Because the wife is in the habit of getting shitfaced at special events and causing scenes while her husband … has issues with keeping his hands to himself.  My mother is really needling us because she hasn’t seen these friends in years and says she wants to include them in my daughter’s special day. The last thing I want is for my daughter’s wedding to be marred by these two boors. How can I get my mother to stop pestering all of us?

—Not Guests Not on the List

Re: Bean dip

  • "I'm not in charge of the guest list".
  • "I'm not in charge of the guest list. Why don't you stay an extra day and meet up with them for lunch. It would be so nice to have actual dedicated time to catch up over being pulled a million directions at the wedding." 

    If she keeps pushing back then I'd be explicit. Your high school friends never left their high school mentality behind, and they're not welcome at the event. 


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  • These are grandma's HIGH SCHOOL friends.  Okkaayyy.  That is no reason for them to be at the wedding.

    How about grandma travels a couple days earlier or later, so she can visit with her friends.  That would be better quality time with them anyway than trying to make a few minutes here and there at her granddaughter's wedding.
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  • "I'm not in charge of the guest list but we can stay an extra day for you to see them."

    I cannot imagine how the daughter would feel if this was brought on her without her consent. 
  • I wouldn't tell grandma I'm not in charge of the guest list. That would just redirect her to go nag the daughter.

    "They're not invited. I'm sure you'll have time to meet up with them on the days before or after the wedding." 
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