Politely decline

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I live in a small town in a northern state. I am involved in a very worthwhile community organization that does a lot of good work locally. I donate money generously. I am also involved on the board of a local sports organization and also in a couple small social groups (think card and book clubs). I enjoy these people tremendously and think they’re all a wonderful group.

My problem lies in the fact that while I enjoy their company at the organization, on the courts or in our groups, I am constantly being invited to “social events” for each of these organizations. It’s usually to patronize our local (tavern) supporters. It is endless! I don’t mind helping behind the scenes for fund-raising events, but also have an elderly mother and an online business, both of which keep me very busy. Also, I am just not that social of a person. But people keep trying to guilt-trip me into attending. Am I wrong? Should I attend more social events? Or is there some response I can give these people? I frankly find socializing at these events exhausting and can’t wait to leave.

—Want to Hide in a Corner

banana468

Can you pick a few to attend?  Believe me I can get that you'll start to feel tapped out but there seems to be a difference in needing to attend all of them and feeling exhausted at one. 

VarunaTT

No is an entire sentence and you don't have to feel guilty for using it.  If they try to guilt trip you, bean dip, walk away, or you can say, "I've said no, please stop trying to guilt trip me".

charlotte989875

I think you have to separate board responsibilities from small social groups. Small social groups are well.. for socializing. Depending on the formality of the group there might be an expectation of socializing with the group.

For the board- your bylaws should give you clarity on what is expected (attending x number or y percentage of events; specific monetary commitments). There also may be norms the board has around socializing- figure out what is required, what is optional, and then make your decisions accordingly.

you don’t have to go to everything but it sounds like you’re involved in community based groups where socializing is explicitly or implicitly required as membership in the group.