THIs is just part of the deal?

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My brilliant wife works an important and technical job in an often-overlooked industry; think along the lines of ensuring compliance with comparability standards for city, county, and state sewer systems. She’s outstanding at what she does and has solved several decades-long issues for our city. Like everyone, she likes to talk about her day once she’s home.

The problem is that I find her work, and her storytelling style, very boring. My mind wanders when she tells me about left-screwing Canadian caps controversies, or proposed changes to bylaws in her hobby group. I make sure that when she wants to talk about her day, I’m facing her, not on my phone, asking questions, and making engaged listening noises, but my mind wanders. I can tell my lack of interest hurts her feelings, but I can’t conjure up genuine interest where there is none. How can I give her the connection she’s looking for in these conversations?

—Guilty and Bored

banana468

Talk to her? 

My husband hates hearing about my day.  So he told me YEARS ago that he does not like it when I bring work home.  It's a personality situation and we still have plenty to talk about and instead I pick and choose my battles.  I'll be clear "I need to vent.  I need you to listen.  And it will be quick."  And in the same way I will tell him I do not need to hear a 20 minute diatribe on mechanical engineering marvels. 

There's a way to deal with this so you two can likely come to a common ground. 

short+sassy

I wonder if there are aspects of her job that he finds at least mildly interesting.  There does need to be a compromise and he needs to talk to his wife about what that would be. Maybe she could do more summarizing, instead of nitty gritty details.

I don't relate to what he is talking about because that hasn't been my experiences in relationships.  When my husband/former b/fs and I have talked about our work, it usually is a summary.  Sometimes a longer story if something major is going on, but that's just been occasionally.

On a different subject, how can I get the LW's wife to do a consulting gig in New Orleans, lol?  Our water/sewerage infrastructure, some of which is 100+ years old, desperately needs her help.