What did you say to him?!

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

During a particularly horrible argument with my husband, “Bob,” I sent a mildly unhinged text to his best friend, “Kyle.”

I asked him to help my husband be kinder to me. The next day, I very sincerely apologized via text for dragging Kyle into an awkward situation, apologized directly for my part, and added some context on how I thought my marriage might be over. Thankfully, Bob and I have worked on things, and our marriage has improved a lot.

Kyle never responded to either text, has ghosted me since, and when Bob explained to him that I actually have been subjected to some of Bob’s awful behavior, Kyle didn’t believe my husband. Kyle said that I could call him up and explain myself. I don’t have any desire to defend myself to Kyle. Bob and Kyle are still very close friends; they text several times a week.

It’s been over a year, and my husband is turning 50. I gave Kyle and his wife six weeks’ notice for Bob’s surprise birthday party, sent multiple reminders, and received no response. I sent another reminder to him and his wife separately, and his wife RSVP’d no for both of them. I’m very surprised that my husband’s closest friend won’t be participating in a special moment. I still have no desire to defend myself for things I haven’t done. I understand that Bob is not being a good friend, and the situation feels really unhealthy. It also feels really weird that an adult is unwilling to have any contact with me over one lousy text message and cannot just suck it up for an hour to have a slice of cake with his BFF. What now?

flantastic

I think Kyle had no interest in communicating with you about your marriage and thinks it's safer to be NC with you. That's how affairs start - if you had been looking for one - and neither he nor his wife are interested in finding out if that's what you were hoping for.

VarunaTT

Kyle told you what he wanted you to do to make amends, which is to call him.  You've refused to do that (which is your right), so Kyle refuses to make amends (which is his). 

Personally, I think Kyle is right to stonewall LW; I don't believe this was her first unhinged text, and even if it was, she had no business telling him aaaaallll that.  There's a larger context here that LW is either lying or missing here.

MyNameIsNot

Let me guess, there were margaritas involved?

A middle aged woman is texting unhinged things to her husband's BFF in the middle of a fight and has the audacity to say that "the situation" is unhealthy? Yeah, it's unhealthy because of you.

If whatever Bob did is so egregious that it would make Kyle understand, end your marriage. If not, accept that this is your out of line behavior and apologize. 

short+sassy

Does anyone else think her first text wasn't the "mild" unhinged level that she thinks it is?

Especially considering the text the next day where she talks about her marriage possibly being over!  That is a completely unhinged text to send to her H's best friend.  But she's describing it like a normal "sincere apology"/explanation text.

The LW needs to leave Kyle and his wife alone.  That is clearly what they want.  She should be glad she didn't ruin the friendship between her H and Kyle.  I'm surprised it didn't.

levioosa

My mother will send texts like this and I can picture 1000% how that text looked.