Dear Prudence,
Right now, I am raising two of my grandnieces, ages 10 and 12. I am on a fixed income, and even with the government benefits, I depend on extended help. I am at the end of my rope with the oldest, “Zoe.”
She would lose her head if it weren’t screwed on, as my mother would say. Zoe will lose not only school supplies but also very expensive items like water bottles, dance shoes, and winter coats. A relative gave both girls very nice water bottles as a gift. They are usually around $40 and are considered a trendy item. Zoe lost hers in a week and threw a fit that it wasn’t magically replaced, and claimed that it wasn’t fair that her sister still had hers. We tried reminders, lists, and are on the waiting list to get Zoe tested.
I can’t deal. Zoe seems unable to understand the value of her stuff with regard to how much I’ve spent, just the value to her peers. So I get a lot of flea market and thrift store finds because Zoe needs to be clothed and not freezing to death! Zoe hates it and picks fights with her sister over being the “favorite.” Her 10-year-old sister isn’t getting anything Zoe hasn’t; she just remembers to take care of her things.
The girls are doing well enough in school. My nearest relative is my second cousin, and she has a family of her own. They are available in an emergency or if I need a ride into the city, but I am struggling here. Frankly, I don’t think Zoe will suffer if she has to wear unfashionable coats or clothes if they are clean and fit her. I am just trying my best. Help!