Dear Prudence,
I’m struggling with something I feel guilty even saying out loud: Watching my parents age is breaking my heart. I’m incredibly lucky as my parents had me when they were young. My mom just turned 60, and my dad is right behind her. But despite their age, they seem so much older than they should be. They give everything they have to their jobs during the day, and then come home only to collapse in front of the TV, eating DoorDash night after night.
My mom still has a busy social life, but that means my dad is usually alone, scrolling on his phone, eating processed food, and barely moving from the couch. I’ve tried gently suggesting they take walks, cook at home, or make small changes, but they react as if I’m criticizing their entire existence. They don’t want to hear it, even though they have no trouble offering me unsolicited critiques of my life.
What hurts the most is a comparison I can’t stop making: At their age, my grandparents were vibrant, active, and fully engaged with life. I want that for my parents. I want them to be healthy enough to enjoy their grandkids, travel, and grow old slowly. But instead, it feels like they’re aging quickly.
I’m scared and sad. And I feel guilty for wanting more from them than they seem willing to give themselves. I don’t know how to help them without pushing them away or how to accept that I can’t make them take care of themselves. How do I cope with watching the people who raised me choose a lifestyle that shortens the time we have left together? What can I do, if anything, to help them help themselves?
—Concerned Child