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Wedding Woes

Be polite and nothing more

Dear Prudence,

How do I navigate a friendship group that feels polluted by a toxic ex-friend? About a year ago, I realized that this friend had been disrespectful and manipulative toward me and another one of our friends for a long time. All the while, she’s presented an increasingly performative version of herself to a friend group that I’d introduced her to.

When I communicated my feelings to her and received a “therapy speak” response with zero accountability, I cut ties. I explained this to some mutual friends, one-on-one, not to force them to “choose,” but to explain the change in dynamics. But … she still gets invited and shows up to group events. My friends seem to love her fake persona! I struggle with the ickiness of being around her, and with the fact that my friends don’t seem to care about how she treated me. Any thoughts on how to deal?

—Too Old for Friend Drama

Re: Be polite and nothing more

  • Is it annoying and unfair? Sure, but you're literally creating drama if you try to alter other people's decisions on group hang outs. Go, be cordial, refrain from constantly rehashing the past and change the subject when needed. Plan hang outs without her. You can't make people think or feel the way you do. If she's truly awful, eventually the truth will out and she will naturally be invited to less events. 


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  • Keep it professional. You don't have to like her so simply be polite. 
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