Dear Prudence,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years, and while our relationship is stable and loving, I’ve always struggled with doubts—partly from feeling I missed out on dating and partly from comparing my relationship to others. About seven years ago, I formed a deep connection with a co-worker who helped me through a difficult move. Though I wasn’t physically attracted to him then, his emotional support and constant reassurance filled needs I didn’t realize were unmet. Over time, this became an emotional affair, including sexting.
I love my boyfriend, and we’ve built a life together, but I still feel attached to this other man and get jealous when he dates. I’m starting to wonder if I want him, or if I like the validation he gives me. Now my boyfriend has proposed, and I feel torn and guilty. I want clarity so I can move forward. How do I untangle these feelings and decide what’s right?
—Confused and Guilty