Dear Prudence,
I love my boyfriend, and he is an easy going and friendly guy. He can sit down at a bar and make lifelong friends in an hour. He has never had a bad break up in his life—even with his ex-fiancée! They dated from high school to college, and she got cold feet after the engagement so they talked and talked and talked and postponed the wedding until after grad school. She came out as a lesbian. He was her best man. These should be heartwarming stories, but all I hear are sirens.
My parents have never had good relationships. My mother even had an affair with her boss while I was nannying for the family. I didn’t know it at the time, but the wife went from mentoring me to asking me to find another job. I didn’t find out the truth until later. My relationships have almost been only casual or firestorms
We are often invited to visit and they offer to host. This is pretty common among his friend group. We are up in the rotation and the thought of having such guests gives me hives. I don’t want to share a roof with people who were intimate with my boyfriend. Meals out are uncomfortable enough for me, and I know my boyfriend will take this hurt to heart that I don’t trust him.
I know in my head that he is not a cheating type and all his exes are just friends and happily moved on with their loves. But part of me gets so jealous when we get-together with his friends and all their jokes. I just feel like an outsider.
My friends have told me it is weird how my boyfriend has stayed close friends with everyone and part of me agrees and part of me just knows this is how my boyfriend rolls. I feel like I am my own worst enemy sometimes and then other times, like I am ignoring the red flags flapping in my face. The holidays are coming up and short of playing sick, what do I do?