When I was 10, my dad had a midlife crisis, and, without warning the family, he quit his job to “find himself.” My parents had three kids plus a baby, and my mom hadn’t been in the workforce for years. It was financially devastating. She ended up divorcing him eventually, but it was bad. Now I’m getting married, and this childhood experience, along with something particular in my husband’s past, have led me to make a certain request of my fiancé. His response was upsetting.
Because of my childhood, a prenup is very important to me. My now-fiancé was married and divorced when he was very young, before we met. His ex-wife and his own family have been vocal about the belief that she got shortchanged in the divorce, which shocked me. He’s always been generous and open with me about money and everything else.
We make about the same now, but we plan on having kids, and I know that could skew my earning power. I want us both to have the ability to get out. To me, that means each having separate personal money outside our pooled shared funds, plus a clear prenup about how to divide assets if we do divorce. He has agreed on the shared funds/personal funds, but refuses to negotiate and sign a prenup. He argues that we’re just setting ourselves up for distrust and divorce. I love this man, but I’m ready to walk away over this. Is this unreasonable?
—Advance Planner