Dear Prudence,
My wife’s parents are absolutely lovely, and she is usually completely normal around them. Until, that is, we spend time with them in their home. Then the dynamic changes, and the cool, calm woman I know turns into a nervous child.
Her voice rises several octaves, and she becomes extremely reactive and controlling. Our latest visit started with her hissing and tutting at everything I did, moved on to constantly correcting the kids and me, and ended with her screaming, “You’re useless” at me because I used the “wrong” knife to cut onions. I stopped what I was doing, grabbed the kids, and left. My phone started blowing up on the way home as she left a series of increasingly ugly messages while she got sloppy drunk with her sister. I was so worried about her state of mind that I shut down our joint bank account for fear of some kind of revenge. It was bad.
That was Christmas, and she has yet to come home. We haven’t spoken outside of a few texts. The kids are in pieces. I don’t know what to tell them because I don’t know whether our marriage will survive. My in-laws texted me an apology, but my (ex?-)wife has only communicated anger and disappointment. We’ve been married 18 years, and every visit to her parents has gone badly, but never like this. I’ve begun separating our assets because I don’t see any way back from some of the messages she sent, particularly the ones in which she wished me and the kids harm. Where do we go from here?
—Useless (Apparently)