No filter sister

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

When my wife was a teenager, her older brother died very suddenly. I hadn’t met her yet when it happened, but I know it was very traumatic for her and her family. Before his death, her brother had been engaged to “Jane,” who had been close to my wife’s family but who fell out of contact over the years. Recently, we found out that Jane is getting married to “Joe,” who happens to be friends with my sister’s boyfriend. The wedding is being held at a popular vacation destination, and my sister and her boyfriend will be attending.

Jane’s wedding has kicked up some grief for my wife and her parents; my wife has admitted that she keeps thinking about the wedding her brother never got to have, and she tears up or withdraws whenever someone talks about it.

The problem is: My sister keeps bringing it up in every single conversation we have with her. I understand that some of it is excitement for an upcoming trip, but it’s every. single. conversation, at length, no matter what we’re talking about. I explained the situation to her and asked if she could hold off on talking about it with my wife, but now whenever she brings it up, she just prefaces it by saying “I know [my name] says I’m not supposed to talk about Joe’s wedding, BUT …” I’d prefer to just avoid her until she eases off of this, but my dad has health issues, and my wife, my sister, and I see each other regularly in the course of taking care of him. The wedding is months away. Is there anything else I can do to handle this?

banana468

You may need to have a very quiet conversation with your sister and ask why this is continuing to come up in conversation and ask to do what she can to not bring it up that often.

Grief is weird but also, it's not her wedding.  So it's odd that it would come up in conversation so much.  There's a way to handle things with more tact. 

MyNameIsNot

I would be asking my sister why she insists so much in being so cruel to my wife. Unless she has some previous issues with my wife or is just generally an ass, she needs someone to point out very bluntly that she is being really awful. 

If she still can't quit, I'd be intervening in the dad schedule to make sure she didn't have to see my wife. 

levioosa

Dick move from the sister to bring it up every conversation. I would not breathe a word about the trip to the wife other than to make arrangements for dad's care during the dates she is unavailable. 

ei34

Yeah I think your sister is intentionally being a jerk, bc a vacation / wedding that's "months away" would not naturally come up in every.single.conversation.  I'd try with sister one last time and then take over your wife's shifts caring for your dad where she'd run into your sister, bc she doesn't deserve this.