Dear Prudence,
I find myself in an embarrassing situation, so please be kind. I (woman, no kids) am in a seven-year domestic relationship with my partner (man), who has two daughters: the older one graduated from college and lives with her boyfriend, and the younger is a sophomore going to college out of town. My dilemma is with the younger daughter.
She and I have a warm relationship, though we are not close; she just really wants her dad’s attention (which is fine! I love their relationship and am on friendly terms with their mom). Since college, her interest in spending time with me has greatly declined, most recently down to no hugs or goodbyes when she leaves to go back to school.
A few weeks ago, I was looking through a long-neglected drawer and came across some old Polaroid photos from over 25 years ago: They are “explicit” in action, and they were on top of the junk in the drawer! I don’t know who saw them, but they were NOT originally stored on top. I had forgotten about them when I moved in three years ago, and now I suspect that the younger daughter has seen them and is traumatized by the photos, and that this is a contributing factor to our decline in closeness. I told my partner my suspicions after sitting with this information for a few weeks (I have never shared these photos with ANYONE—not best friends, previous partners, etc.). He thought there was no way she saw these photos, and that there was no way to ask without outing myself. I told him I was going to destroy them and have them locked away now, but I am sad to get rid of these intimate photos, the only ones of their kind (thank the stars!) of my stupid hot 20-year-old self. I am unsure which way to go with this. Do I risk letting this simmer between my partner’s daughter and me? Do I write her a letter telling her I am worried she saw these private photos? Or do I pretend nothing happened?