Dear Prudence,
I lost my first husband 20 years ago after he died of a heart attack at 27. He had just gone to bed and never woke up. We had been married for barely a year, and I never really got over waking up to a cold body next to me. “Jenna” was my mother-in-law and basically my mother in truth because my mom was narcissistic and cruel. Even when I remarried and had babies of my own, Jenna stayed in my life. We lived in the same city, and my husband embraced her as “Aunt Jenna.”
Her daughters lived on opposite coasts and seemed to resent that I’ve stayed so close to their mother. They have complained about me not knowing my place and Jenna “favoring” my kids over theirs, but they never made an effort to visit Jenna or fly her out to visit them, despite them both taking multiple expensive vacations a year.
Jenna is not doing well but is resisting the idea of appointing an executor or looking at professional care. My husband and I run our own business and have two teenagers. I am willing to take on more responsibility with Jenna, but not when I have to constantly argue with her daughters over every little thing. We recently had a bad storm, and Jenna’s roof was badly damaged. I am the only one who went upstairs and noticed the broken window and damaged roof. Her daughter accused me of getting a “kick back” from recommending a roofer—the same one Jenna’s niece, neighbor, and I have used! I am so tired of this. Jenna’s niece is a sensible woman, but she lives two hours away, while I am less than 20 minutes from her. I love her, but I am sick of this song and dance from the daughters who claim to love her but can’t be bothered to join a Zoom call with her doctors unless I hold their hands and remind them. I only overstep because they refuse to step up. What do I do here?