Dear Prudence,
I’m quietly lining things up to divorce my husband, although it will likely be nearly a year before I’m able to. This fall, I found out that he had been having an affair for almost 18 months. It was with a woman I volunteered closely with for years. In addition, it seems like multiple people there knew about the affair, and some didn’t tell me, while others actively covered it up for the two of them. I feel so betrayed by him, and by people I thought were my community. I gritted my teeth until there was a natural lull after Christmas to end my volunteer commitment. I gave the excuse that I was too busy with work and my kids, but I’d been volunteering for over a decade, so people weren’t convinced.
The problem is that I was very involved, and they’re desperate to get me back. They seem to assume I’ll still do things, and kind of casually assign them to me in ways I find out about later because I’m part of the same community and have to say no every time. Multiple people, both virtually and in person, have asked me why I left and what they can do to bring me back. I keep repeating that I’m overcommitted with work and kids, but it doesn’t seem to work. I want this to be over so I can focus on preparing for the next steps in my life. How do I cut this off without airing dirty laundry or exposing my long-term plans?