Dear Prudence,
I am very worried about the woman my brother is dating. “Daniela” seems very charming at first, but she is highly conflicted and narcissistic. She describes herself as being the victim of nearly every story she tells. Her parents were abusive, her sister was the golden child, but Daniela was the real achiever in life. Except the details didn’t add up.
Her sister got a scholarship to college, but Daniela had her parents pay for the three different degrees she never finished, and they would not pay for a second new car after she wrecked hers, let her be “homeless” after she got evicted, and that is only the tip of the iceberg. Daniela has horror stories from everywhere she has worked. Bosses were always hitting on her, her co-workers were bullying her, and she was never at fault. She constantly picks fights with my brother over stupid stuff like the roads got washed out, so he spent the night at his co-worker’s, who is a married mom of three, and her husband was home; Daniela accused him of cheating. She is constantly policing his phone and whereabouts. Our parents can’t even have a private conversation with my brother without Daniela butting in.
I tried to be neutral in dealing with Daniela, but I lost it after one conversation. My brother and I were watching the game when Daniela came in hysterically. I thought someone died. Nope, her sister, whom Daniela has been no contact with for three years, was getting married, and Daniela wasn’t going to be invited, nor was she asked to be the maid of honor.
Daniela kept sobbing about how her sister could do this to her. Daniela had told her sister that she was “dead” to her and never contacted her again. I asked why she even thought she would be invited after all the crap she pulled. Her sister is doing what Daniela wanted and is just out there living her best life without her. Daniela grabbed a bottle and threw it at my head. I left. Now Daniela is on a warpath to get my brother to cut me off for my “verbal abuse” of her. Daniela has never been physically abusive before, and I am really afraid she has or will turn on my brother. My parents aren’t taking it seriously, but as much as they despise Daniela, they don’t think abuse like that can happen to a guy like my brother. He used to play football. So what do I do here? My brother agrees Daniela is often over the line, but then buys into her victim mentality the second she cries. Daniela kicks people away to see if they come crawling back for more.